Love. Personificata.

To conform or not to conform, that is the question.

2010-12-22T03:02:00.000-08:00

To conform or not to conform, that is the question.

Freedom in it's own right, should be reined in tight. Men, given necessary faculties, beyond what he can measure, can be capable of either great things, or terrible tragedies. Inside, there is a need to be different, to be incessantly unique. To go beyond the boundaries, limitations; to rebel against the natural order. However, the moral imperative here is this: do the skies limit us, or do we soar beyond the stratosphere, only to find a void waiting for us?

Being realistic has nothing to do with this. Often, we find ourselves in darkness, in the terrifying silence, only to find ourselves turning back and finding familiar ground, that is why there is always comfort in a home. Being practical, being realistic, being sensible is perfectly fine, but do we extend that definition to being fearful of change? Do we do it because we fear of what greatness man can do?

There're always two sides to a coin.

However, to procrastinate adventure with this thought, to halt progress in its tracks, because of the fear of the unfamiliarity? Imprinted in every school boy's mind is the thirst, the hunger, the very need to excel; the very thought of adventure, the essence of escapades in his mind. Alas, the weight of the world weighs him down, telling him, "Grow up! Be realistic! Be practical!" But do we succumb to the calling of conformity? Do we throw away our noble hopes and dreams, in exchange for security? Knowing out there, there is greatness to be achieved?

We soar, we fly, we touch the sky.

Knowing that a chance once gone, is a chance gone by.

Woohoo.

2010-12-05T05:15:00.000-08:00

Humans are nightmare subjects for most zoologists. The mere diversity and vastness of characters itself would be too astounding for simple, clean-cut classification. Our very natures, unique to each own individual, would land each person in a whole class by itself. Attempting to classify would prove to be a utter failure. However, cliques do form and the human race attempts to classify itself. Put it in an analogy: it would be like fingers attempting to classify each other from a single palm. To lose one would be to lose another.

Humbug. I was looking forward to a vacation with friends, for some time spent on the beach. I repeat myself: something about an expanse of water calms me. Really it does. I don't know why, but it does. Just by looking at it my soul soars over the peaceful surface, the sounds of waves lapping on the shore: music to the soul. And you know what's even better? Solidarity. No one around but God, me, and my books and music. Not to mention a shady spot. It beats the busy mall any day.

In silence, I find revelation. In company, I yearn for solidarity. In simplicity, I find sophistication. In diversity, I find focus.

Conundrums

2010-11-25T00:35:00.000-08:00

Life is definitely perplexing.

Perplexing to the point where you wonder why, every time you turn a corner.

I hate to say it, but sometimes, the race has to stop. To stop, to stare and look at where we are.

Maybe.

But Paul has a point. The crown of eternal life and righteousness isn't going to be attained by itself.

Oh well.

Looking back, I certainly have grown. The picture of life, expanded. The overview on purpose, unmagnified. A single thread in the tapestry, would never know the purpose of its grand design, unless we look through Heaven's eyes.

Ahh, Prince of Egypt. Nice show.

Girls are socially complex. I can't understand them.

But still, one has to try. You know what? I keep striving for perfection, striving on and and on and on and STILL, I can never attain it. Yet, the expectations of life, of people asks me to. The works I do, the deeds I perform, never enough. But still, I HAVE to strive!

God, You know what's best for me. If I strive, Lord, let me strive for and with You. Amen.

Disappointment.

2010-08-13T07:10:00.000-07:00

How can you stop the rain from falling down?

Bah. Rhetorical.

Questions aside, there's no room to deny that life, has indeed become routine. A monotonous continuation of yesterdays and the inevitable prologue to tomorrows.

Pshh. I think that's why I'm choleric. I have to make something happen.

CF Camp's coming up and I'm kinda excited for the planning next week. A dedication service also up for next week, and I'm putting my vocals to the test. Now, to think of it, I'm kinda busy.

Did I mention the regrets of not attending Hillsong? Once again, routine never fails to instill disappointments in yours truly.

Erratic's the word.

Random. :D

I hope not.

2010-07-15T05:44:00.000-07:00

Paths I've chosen look so BLEAK sometimes. I guess change wasn't good enough.

All these while, I've tried so hard to make things happen, to make a change. But sometimes you feel so helpless, so desperate, so forlorn, you'd think that you had enough.

Man's necessity for attention, the power struggle to impress, to publicize thy's name. Sometimes you'd think that life is just another popularity contest.

Pfft. Why am I concerned with such trivial issues? Why the solemn introspection on this meager shred, a mere shadow of what honour used to be?

Are we more than quintessences of dust?

Aieeeeee.

2010-06-26T09:45:00.000-07:00

It's weird how the human soul works. Once again, we stand in the stead of Discontentment. We fail to realize the omnipresent peace that is rightly available to us. We fail again, yet again, to be content with what we own. Values aside, materialism makes up the entire picture. Gluttony seems to be part and parcel of life.

What's worse? We embrace such futilities, knowing when dust goes back to dust, and ashes to ashes, all that's left is an urn with unforgivable mistakes and unjustified wrongs. We seem to ignore the perpetual vicious cycle of hate; unless when blatantly shown the unadulterated truth.

We can't face the truth. Face it. We just can't. We are content, when we are presented a white, adequate, white lie. When we are faced with reality, we turn to fantasy. We are very much obscured, distorted by the lies we choose to live by.

Somehow, I still don't think we're bound to end up giving only our legacy to our children. We'll be handing over the debts of our fathers to them.

We don't want the wars of our fathers.

Again, who's justifying what's handed down to us? Who can justify death? Pshaw.

2010-06-25T20:55:00.002-07:00

Another week passed without fruitful labor. Bah.

Perhaps it's time to embrace the sloth within. XD. No, this is no time for emoticons, nor is it for a bored rant.

Pshaw. Well, it's about time something eventful happens. Have you ever wondered that you're made for something bigger? Much bigger than your puny imagination can handle? Much bigger than your dreams and fantasies? I do.

Pardon the redundancy.

It's so frustrating to be stagnant without any exercise for my faculties. Pardon me, Bronte. But still, I'm so bored, I might just rob a shop.

Perhaps, there is still hope for the lost hero. If he finds his way back home.

I'm full of sh*t. I'm full of nice-smelling sh*t

Hillsong United - To Know Your Name - With Subtitles/Lyrics

2010-06-23T04:12:00.000-07:00

I can't get enough of this song :)

Just thought I'd share.

Adoration.

To Paradise

2010-06-18T08:03:00.000-07:00

Thy soul left us with memories,

Thy breath, a priceless breeze.

Thy smile, never failing to please,

Thy spirit, an unquenched entity.

Dust to dust, ashes to ashes,

Death came when Scythe slashes.

Now as thy soul reach the gate,

'Tis a blessing to know, there is no wait.

I believe, He led you inside,

Where there's no pain, To Paradise.

Stabbed

2010-06-09T10:10:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been stabbed? Stabbed so deep it bleeds? Bah. Rhetorical question.

I feel stabbed, the knife of Disappointment goes through the four-chambered organ.

Is it worth it? The love of it all? The ardent, fervent love I feel? The passion I poured? Unrequited love? Is it cut out to be as it is?

Insomnia haunts me over this matter. The train of thought in ever increasing complexity.

Human nature does hurt. Especially if it's close to the beating heart. I've given up self-pity, self-condescending.

I turn to You. Amen.

Sometimes the heart convulses through the ribs.

2010-06-03T07:18:00.000-07:00

Sometimes the heart convulses through the ribs. Sometimes it beats heartily (pardon the pun). Sometimes it doesn't.

I gird my loins, I bequeathed passion to a lesser reason; I prepare for battle, I spill the chalice of Ambition on the rug of Procrastination. Such futilities come to mind! The goal ahead, blurred by the mist of obscured Vision. The raging fire, quenched by the fresh springs of Weariness.

If I could, then I would.

Where was that ardent fervor to excel? The rapture on difficult accomplishments? The adrenaline rush for the prize?

Mind you, I am not in the least bit depressed, nor am I oppressed. Though the former fits the rave I've posted above.

Ghouls of the past have got to go. Ciao.

Listen and Realize

2010-05-06T06:34:00.001-07:00

Kill time with a knife,
Fill your heart with blood.
We see in the distance
A great unsettling, listen!

Somewhere there
We'll find what we sought.
The midst of chaos,
Turn to Calvary
And see the battle that was fought.

See what was there,
His blood shed for us all.

2010-04-16T15:42:00.000-07:00

The jester pranced around Life's court,

Mumbling sad jokes around the fire.

With God sitting in the seat well-sought;

Work was always a Liar.

Oh! The irony of life! How we aspire to succeed. How we fail. Such futilities. We strive for a perishable crown, how we strive for unknown reward.

A'ight. Signing out:D

Coffee-book

2010-03-14T08:37:00.000-07:00

I sat there. Coffee in hand, book the other. It was easy, all too easy.

The introspecting state of mind I chose to adopt today led me to some rather shocking revelations. Maybe you haven't realized, for those who aren't familiar to my acquaintance would find me shockingly different from what I am in real life.

That led me to think, to delve into further thought, of such ambiguity in my persona. Both literal and virtual. I have a sanguine side, as well as a melancholy side. Both equally dominant in different situations.

What was the cause? Was it curiosity that brought me to this perplexing situation? Or was it the need to conform, to please to like, to bring joy and laughter to my fellow men? Or was it to relieve the ever-present questions I had in mind for the world, that burdened me with the need to answer. Be it ready or not.

Of course, this leaves the mind to explore other depths of this very psychological analysis. Now, I believe that confidence had always been associated with pride and egoism. But this very value contradicts my religious obligations to be humble, to forget myself for the sake of selflessness. This explains the storm in my head that led to indecisiveness at certain points of my life.

Personally, I believe too, that I'm easily influenced by the variety of ideas and opinions around me. Yes, I sway.

I have neither great looks nor incomparable talent. Nor do I have a great physique or high intellect. But God has blessed me with personalities. The ability to be vibrant, and also to go into deep thought. The ability to cheer, and the ability to be solemn.

Amen to that, all glory to God. End of introspection. Over and out. :D

The Familiar

2010-03-05T17:45:00.000-08:00

I guess we're all routinely in-tuned in one way or another. Traditions and conventions are living proof of this practice. We're all, in the end, cliched, boring, and lifeless.

But, we all want security and peace. For peace comes dropping slow.

Malpractices and the lack of boundaries certainly made this world sick. We're all sick.

The very conventions we rebel against, the very practices that made our world boring, is what made this world a safer, better place. There're exceptions of course, there're always exceptions. Open-mindedness, or all that's related to it; I would liken it to a parasitic worm, eating through the cytoplasm of society, slowly penetrating to the nucleus. Like the biological simile? I know I do.

Don't we all wanna feel special? I know I do.

Again, thoughts of nonsensical ideas created havoc here. Ahh well, enjoy making sense out of it :D

Don't you loooove smileys? :D :D :D

It's been awhile

2010-02-27T08:06:00.000-08:00

It's been awhile.

A very long while.

Haha, *blows dust off blog*. College. Big word. Fun, new friends, being legal, clubbing, partying, higher academic levels, studying-your-a**-for-a-better-future. All into one 7-letter, 2 syllable word.

I guess it's just me, but I miss my secondary school days. I don't particularly miss the entire uniform thing, but the lack of 'me' time really pisses me off sometimes.

No poems for now. Doing English Lit and currently disgusted at my pathetic, meager, attempts on writing them.

I missed CNY and Valentine's. Awww, too bad. There's always next year.

BUT, it's Chap Goh Mei now, and Love is IN the air :D

For those of you out there, still in the dark, looking for that special someone in this vast, dark world, I suggest you go out there, and throw some bloody oranges yea? Give some credit to the fruit for being so sacrificial. Ignore me, I'm bored.

Ah, SPM looked so tiny now looking back. Pfft. Not to mention the totally-not-looking-forward-to-it day of the dreaded SPM results. I know, but I don't like using profanities.

It's 12.33 and I'm signing off. A totally random end to a totally random post.
BUT, considered this blog officially revived :D

Don't you love cotton candy? >.<

2010!!

2009-12-31T05:35:00.000-08:00

It's the new year in a few hours time! No new year resolutions this year. I guessed there would always be too many disappointments, too many let-downs. Or maybe I'm just lazy. xD

Currently chasing the Korean version of Boys over Flowers. Yes, I'm guilty of overdosing on romance fantasies. Too bad, I can't stop myself. I hate to admit it, but it's good! Amazingly good.

It's the end of two thousand nine,
As I synchronize the melody of time.
Reminiscing on moments and dreams passed,
I revel in unachievable goals, unaccomplished tasks.

How I wished I did more to past,
In the little moments that seemed to last.
Where I held you tight in my embrace,
And we'd laugh at our silly thoughts and worries.

We've come a long way, my friend,
A new chapter, a new end.
Wade in the slit of guilt no longer,
Come up and enjoy our wonderful year.

The past mistakes look bleak,
For it's the future that I seek.
Lord, show me your path,
So I may know Your love for me will always last.

Au revoir, two thousand nine,
I guess this is your end in time.
Into the history books you'll go,
Where past and present dwell in silence gold.

Post of the Century!

2009-12-24T08:16:00.000-08:00

All right! 100th post on Christmas day!

How awesome is that? xD
Watched Avatar today. 7 foot blue humanoids walking around sure scares the heck outta ya.

A poem for Christmas? How about that? Hmm?

It's that yuletide season,
Where everything happens with a reason.

A child was born in a manger,
With nothing but straw; layer by layer.

God sent His Son with a purpose.
Although it was nothing but the worst,

We had salvation and redemption,
We found Light and Hope.

For today is the day,
Christ our Lord was born.

Hallelujah! Love ya guys. MERRY CHRISTMAS!

P.S. : A bit rusty in the poetry department. Hope you guys don't mind.

Sublime-ly somber

2009-12-13T05:56:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling a lil' sublime somber.

I guess I've overreacted. Hang on, I know I did; and I'm sorry. I'm a jerk.

All this while, I've gotten cockier. Day by day, my confidence grew. Soon, I became an overgrown puppy with a big head so full of himself that he blew himself up. With a C-4.
Don't know what the HECK I'm talking about? Good. You don't need to.

Eventually, it all boils down to biting myself in the a** back again.

We all need a little trust, a little love, a little confidence in each other.

Bah.

I'm getting really good to be that egoistic bastard. I guess it's always in me, hiding in the shadows of uncertainty, waiting for the blue skies to appear.

You know, all this while, I've put my foot forward without doubt nor uncertainty. I set my targets, and I aim bloody hard for it. I don't think twice nor give a damn about what's waiting for me in front. You can say I'm like that bull rushing at the red cloth and the matador, having no clue what I'm rushing for.

I'm so grasped in this concept of the present that I'm blinded to future blunders and possible screw-ups.

Lord, I repent. Mistakes by the dozen, such a screw-up and failure that I am as a human, You were always willing to accept without question, without doubt. Lord, I know I have not learn to LOVE You wholeheartedly. Lord, I realize my calling to serve You has not been fulfilled. Lord, I know too, that I've been giving excuses after excuses for my disobedience, my insolence, my sins. Lord, I seek forgiveness, I seek repentance, I seek after a heart of Love for You, Lord. I seek no miracle, but a word from You of Your forgiveness. Lord, I seek for Your calling to be done in me, Your plan. I pray this in the might of Jesus' name. Amen.

Post-SPM Syndrome

2009-12-09T02:58:00.000-08:00

Can't say it better myself. :D

Yea, read the headlines. It's finally over.

Regretfully, Chemistry 3 didn't end with a bang. No celebrations as expected, no partying until late at night either. What was expected didn't came to past too. Oh well, so much for fictional fireworks.

I have to say, after just 24 hours into the so-called celebration, the taste of it is somewhat...bittersweet. Like a vintage bottle o' red wine. After the first few seconds in your mouth, you'll feel that oh-so-familiar bitterness. Maybe it gets better in time? Pfft. Leona Lewis.

What have actually done, accomplished, added to my pathetic, meager list of achievements this year? SPM really took a lot out of me. All those self-disciplinary issues I had, all those wild fun - had to go. But once it goes, it never really comes back.

I find myself feeling a void of some sort. Not those light-sucking vortexes, but maybe a rather small vacuum deep down inside. It's like all you've ever known coming to an abrupt end, with a rather pathetic ending. An anticlimax after an explosive, heart-pounding movie with Morgan Freeman at the narration saying: "The End."

Somehow or another it's like standing at the edge of a cliff in the dark, with no idea what's ahead of you. Waiting and waiting to take another step forward to see whether what will catch your footing.

You hesitate, and turned around. You're leaving the past behind and the only way is to go forward. Flashbacks bombarded your mind and you see all that you have done wrong, all your mistakes. You can't go back and rectify them. All you can do is to take that bold step forward and hang on in faith and hope.

I have to say, high school was fun indeed. With all those people I knew along the way, leading to what I have become now. It's time for a new voyage, a new adventure; but this time - I'm older.

I'll be your hero,
I'll be your man.
No promise there won't be a zero,
But I'll make sure love will always be at hand.

Ye Old List O' Prezzies

2009-11-26T14:14:00.000-08:00

In the spirit of CHRISTmas, I've decided to do this post:

Listing down my ideal presents of the year...LOL!
Prezzies! Prezzies! The thought of them makes me excited! Hmm, you never know what's around the corner.

Top ten list of prezzies starting right here:
1. Guitar strings! For my old-vintage, 20++ year old, dusty guitar.
2. A good read.
3. Drum lessons. ( a drum set would be gladly received...=P )
4. Movie tickets! Nothing beats killing time than a movie..:D
5. Bible study groups :D ( we really need one)
6. A Starbucks coffee, preferably the ice blended ones with cream-and-caramel XD
7. An outing! Anywhere, anytime!
8. T-shirts! ( In desperate need of them; tired of collared ones...=.= )
9. A can/tube/bottle of SHAVING CREAM!!! ( ain't gonna be no santa this year...)
10. Finally, SURPRISES!! Absolutely love them!! (only the good ones though)

These are all SOOO affordable! *awaits with hands wide open* XDD

MERRY CHRISTMAS!! ( I know it's way too early for that but who cares? )

Post-Mortem

2009-11-25T06:19:00.000-08:00

Undoubtedly, although appearances have changed drastically over the past few years, I strongly insist that I'm still me.

I am still the selfish jerk that I was. I am still the cheap b**tard that I was. The uncaring, rough, guy that I was. I am still the egoistic, narcissistic maniac that I was. I am still chubby at the sides, though unnoticeable, as I was. I am still the strong-headed, stubborn, power hungry guy that I was. I am still what I was.

Times have changed, the seasons in utter disorder, the global warming issue a terrible mess, but I'm still the person that AM ages ago.

True, occurrences have occurred and decisions made. I had the choice to remain the same, I had the choice to be a constant among variables, I had the choice to stick to my personality, my ego, my pride, my strengths and weaknesses. Indeed, the choice was mine to make, and mine alone.

Did it ever occur to that, whatever we do, whatever we commit to has a certain amount of responsibility? Every decision made, every choice made, every sentence spoke, every tear dropped, every breath taken. Everything has taken place according to His will, His plan; and do I regret everything or anything that has happened? No, nor shall I ever be.

Nevertheless, I made my choices, my decisions. I came out of the shadows, into His light. I wanted to make a difference, I wanted to make a change. ME.

I strive for perfection, though unreachable,
I strive for freedom, though never satisfied.
I strive for justice, though unattainable,
I strive for courage, without fear of being petrified.

I strive for faith - with it I am unassailable,
I strive for hope - with it I will no longer have to hide.
Finally, I strive for the one that was thought undefinable,
Which will always be by your side.
I strive for love, perfect and unshakable,
For this is love, personified.

Gushing forth with relief:D

2009-11-18T02:04:00.000-08:00

First day of SPM gone. I'm officially a bi linguist now. Goodbye BM, how thy knew thou well? NOT!

I ain't Malay but I'm not racist either. Lawl.

Why am I doing online you ask? Why? Because the 1st day of SPM is finally over. There IS a reason to celebrate is there not? I thirst for entertainment. That's why.

Tomorrow's dreaded Sejarah and I'm still here. Typing away to my heart's content. We're all humans are we not? We're all good at something but not everything, right?

The day's subdued,
The anxiety over.

The exams, we can't elude,
Thus our hearts remain somber

To my alma mater:

2009-10-14T03:53:00.000-07:00

To my alma mater:
Today we speread our wings,
Today we soar high!
Today's the day we graduate,
Today is the day we exaggerate!
Independence! Liberty! Free will!
Today we bid farewell to LA's,
To absurdly short haircuts and outrageous fines.
To cheap canteen food and treading along the lines.

Today we venture forth into the unknown,
Knowledge-filled, skills well-honed.
Off to further education with muscles well-toned.

World! We bring you our hopes,
Our thoughts, our dreams;
Our fear, our Achilles' heel,
Our drawbacks, our limitations.

World! We embark in this adventure,
Starting on the ride of our lives.
We'd take on trials and hardships.
Being true to ourselves and not taking sides.

Hear us world! We're taking you on,
We're ready to change where we belong.
Taking on life, love and dreams as it is,
Making it come true; that's the gist.

When the storms in our hearts batters our souls,
The pouring rain dampens our goals.
When all else seems so bitterly cold,
We'll move on, we'll persist.
We'll persevere, our beliefs will never cease.

Today is the day of new beginnings;
Today is the day where high school ends.
Alma mater, we'll go far,
But we'll remember: Ora et Labora.

I'm in the gutter.

2009-09-23T16:55:00.000-07:00

The past week was pretty busy if I would say so myself. I don't know but in the end, I've neglected the real things I was supposed to do.

College ain't gonna pay for itself. I need a scholarship. AND why am I not working my a** off for it? Pfft.

Simple. I don't believe in education. I don't believe that add maths and all those crap would give me the things I would want in live. I DO NOT believe that our future in the world we're going to live in would be DEFINED by how many degrees we get, how many first-class honours we've achieved. The atrocity of that thought fills me with disgust. Education. BAH. Who needs education? Everyone's good at different things, full of different talents. And we're trying to classify everyone according to the education system. Is that fair? All those wasted talents. I pity you. Too bad the system sucks.

Alas, the truth of the matter is, education matters. Wtheck?!

o.O.. FYI, Oscar's gay..=.=

Am I going to the gutters or am I shooting for the stars?

Back to a more somber note.

"A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace" - Hillsong, From The Inside Out

I've sinned.

6.18 am

2009-09-18T15:17:00.001-07:00

*sleepy*
As reason clouds my eyes with splendor fading

Of God.

2009-09-17T07:11:00.000-07:00

The cruel fate of reality,
It seems, a black entity.
Walking It's own way of darkness.
Where ignorance and inquity ensues.

The cruel fate of reality,
Of dominance, of exploits, of manipulation.
The logic of it all, never meant much to the nation.

The cruel fate of reality,
Obscured by the veils of fiction,
Hidden from the eyes of the young ones,
With the bitter aftertaste at the end

Lord, O Saviour,
I'll have faith that you would not forsake us.
Oh Lord, our God,
We lift our hands high for Salvation.
Bring us to the Light,
Leave us no longer in the Dark.

Amen.

Sullen September

2009-09-12T15:54:00.000-07:00

Just when things couldn't get any worse.....
Screwing up Physics and Bio had to happen.

Wtheck?!?!

It's the month of September, ze month of autumn, of falling leaves, of strong winds, of heavy rains.
Too bad M'sia's in the equator. *sighs*

Hmmm, I wonder how is it like to live in the North Pole. *squeals at the sight of polar bears* random~
I guess the only thing that matters most of all is the fact that we, at least all the form 5's n upper 6's are facing major exams in the month of Christmas..=.=
Of all the months, DECEMBER?!?!
How about the FESTIVITIES?!?!
Stupid MOE...-_-

Ahh, well, back to a lighter note.So demn true.. 9/11? Bring it on! Exams? GET IT AWAY FROM ME!!!!

One more thing.
Michael Jordan's in the hall of fame! The NBA hall of fame anyway. Ahh, Space Jam..remember him?
Owhhhyeah! Fly high, dream high.

We're all singing in one chorus. One song.

2009-08-25T22:33:00.000-07:00

Tell me WHY am I here!!

Yea, probably because of the end on end studying. Pfft.

I kinda hate the fact that we're doing it for the sake of doing it.

Again and again and again and again.

Why am I here again?

I have more things to cram.

My head's battered and bruised,
my emotions on a roller-coaster ride.
I'm thinking of you, but I'm not sure.

I'll be there.

2009-08-12T01:39:00.000-07:00

While I continue to bear with my conscience's unceasing nagging, I'll give you guys some updates on my life. Been dying to hear that right? Riiiiggght? :}

Nothing much really. Unless you want a boring account on how BORING sickness can be, I'll spare you the details.

Once again, the writer's block came up as soon as I open this page. I need more INSPIRATION. >.<

The first step always IS the hardest.

Wide. Awake.

2009-08-05T07:41:00.000-07:00

Somehow I feel like I should start on Bio now. Quoted from many: TRIALS AR!!

Ah, phooey.

Yadayadayadayadaaaa.. I feel procrastinative. Not even sure why. But yea.

Emerson eh? Ooohh, motivation. I guess I'm a bit too encumbered with my old nonsense.
ADD MATHS!

Seriously, I gotta stop boring you guys with homework.
But I'm all crammed up. Sheesh.
Going around in circles?
Good. Spare the floor from your puke a'ight?Ahhh, words to sweeten up you day? I'm all out FOR love. GO LOVE! xD

Love.
Signing out.

The storm in my heart

2009-07-31T15:48:00.000-07:00

The storm in my heart batters my soul,
The pouring rain dampens my goal.
How can love be real?
When it all seems so surreal.

Nay, together we'd stab the truth of reality,
Kill the sense of iniquity.
The bitter in heart, the battered in soul,
Would find comfort in love's warm hold.

O'er the hills and up on the trees,
The blue sky always seemed so forgiving.
Sometimes, I wished we'd just stop and stare,
In each other's embrace, with neither worry nor care.

I wish you'd understand,
Perfection would never be in your hand.
Sometimes you'd think you want the best,
The best, would disappoint you nevertheless.

I'd take your hand, when it seems all cold,
Treasure every moment with you, even when I'm all alone.
I'd suffer long and hard,
Just to make sure the smile on your face never goes apart.

Love.

It's Psychology time!
*Pfft*
I hope I WIN!!
I'll do my best Lord, and You'll do Yours.xD

Selfissssshhhhh

2009-07-23T13:58:00.000-07:00

Suddenly, I feel so blardy self-centered. The only thing that matters is me? No. I'm not the only GUY in the entire universe, and I'm not going to treat others like crap.

Yea, EVEN so, people TREAT me like one. Of all things, they had to spoil the productivity mood. It just seems that harsh reality isn't ready for kindness.

Somehow, even continuing it seems hard. It's always awkward, it's always me contributing. What happened to social equality? Again, 1 Corinthians eh?
I'll be patient.
I feel like continuing this poem. Awwww, so sweet! *goosebumps*

I think I'm really left out on world news. Nothing seems to bother me much these days. Apparently, I'm becoming a machine. That way, there's no obligation to please, to put on a fake smile even when you don't feel like it. There wouldn't be love, there wouldn't be anger and disappointment too.

Pent-up emotions, when rubbed the wrong way will scratch you in the face like an angry cat. But first there're warnings of spitting and angry mewing. Next there's the quiet stage of it ignoring you, until you try to rub it again. All you get are scratches on you're face.

Doesn't really make sense does it? Nope. try re-reading it. Mwahahaaaaa~ I feel like an idiot, working my days. Lawl, Linkin Park...xD

I'll return to my shell now. Like a tortoise.

Let's hope for a cliffhanger.

Imperfections made perfect

2009-07-11T09:39:00.000-07:00

Imperfections that made the person perfect for you. Aww man, so true so true. Who ever said that your life partner had to be that perfect Prince Charming or that perfect Barbie Doll?

Imperfections are just as well part of our identities. No man is perfect, nor will any man be even close to perfection. In fact, perfection is an ironic term of men's pride in our own achievements. Nothing can be beyond improving.

Making the best out of imperfections is one step closer being perfect for each other. In spite of what I've just said, lemme say that love is perfect.

Oh, you have no idea~
Perfection for the soul...xD
Again, that favourite cliche: Beauty in the eyes of the beholder eh?

This for you lonely guys.

Love ain't got no restriction. Go forth, and love. xD

I'll love you; even though you'd fart in bed.

I did it again. And I'm ashamed.

2009-07-09T13:16:00.000-07:00

Somehow, waking up 4am in the morning has its perks. The comp all to meself, the peace and quiet that comes with this time of the day. Oh, and studying was never easier...o.O.

Nahhhh, I'll contradict my own statement. I'm supposed to start on Chem now..again! Deja vu eh? Hmmm, who knew coincidences can be so...scary. The thought of God's power over your life certainly has its way of scaring you. Oh, I've sinned. Yet again, I've sinned.Let's try that someday eh? No. We'll start from now. No more broken promises. No more disappointments. God be the witness. I'll stop. I'll stop.

Priority first to You, God. You be my first thought each day, You be what my actions revolve around. Lord, help me to achieve that. Help me to do what I must.

Again with that promise eh? XD True, so true. She's perfect for me. In many ways you can't imagine.

Back to Chem~

Phooey~

2009-07-04T15:03:00.001-07:00

I. Woke. Up. At. 5.30 am. In. The. Morning.

And guess what? I planned to study...=.=.. Lookee here! Wonder what're my hands doing on the keyboard?

Oh well, guess I'll just finish this post. IN one way or the other.

Beauty's in the eyes of the BEE-holder eh? Hmmm, I wonder I wonder.

I feel transform-y. But then again: 'Bumblebee, you're not going to college.'

Cheese is AWESOME! Oh, the mouthwatering cheesey-cheese-that-cheeszes-the-cheeses-in-the-cheese-compartment! Can't get enough of them!

Oh, gluttony! Staring me in the face! What will I do without cheese?! Oh, well...I'd settle for milk then.

Awkward silences make the dates go all wrong. Ah, phooey! *awkward silence*

AHH!! I'm supposed to start on Chemistry. Like now??

Ciao~

Cherish it and never let go

2009-06-27T07:50:00.000-07:00

Love gained, love lost. Would love be something optional in your life? There would be heartbreak and pain, but everything gained means you have to lose something. Life isn't perfect. Period. "To cherish it and never let it go".

Things are an all-time high now for me. So far.

*Pfft* Try to be happy when your fate in higher education lies in a piece of paper: the blardy SPM cert.

FLATTEN THOSE SANDCASTLES!! Rampage! Rampage! =.=

M. Jackson's dead! Moonwalking anyone? Loved some of his songs though. Ahh...
Too bad... "I knew him well" *mimics Shakesphere*

Ciao~

Daddy’s Day

2009-06-21T08:05:00.001-07:00

Lawl, now imagine me…reciting a poem in front of a >50-strong crowd.

I actually DID. In church reciting it for my old man. Things I do for family…o.O..

Here, enjoy it in words:

This is a story of a man,

Who made his life’s work clear.

To provide, protect and watch over,

Especially those whom he held dear.

Trials and tribulations marked his path.

But never once did he wither.

Like and oak tree,

Holding no grudge against winter.

Shedding its leaves as the seasons past,

Hoping for a brighter future.

Resilient, hardy and strong,

Quietly enduring every fear.

****************

He’s a quiet man, that’s for sure.

Words were never his way of showing love.

But his thoughts noble, his heart faithful,

His actions sure spoke louder than words.

No matter how hard we may seem to be,

The fortitude of his patience always amazes me.

Alas, words may never fill,

The gratitude and love I have for this man.

But still, I dedicate this poem to him, sitting right there *points*

The star for today, my hero,

My father, my dad.

I love you , dad! Happy fathers’ day!

*applause*

*sniffles and cries*

LAWL, my hands were shaking after that. Phew….

Awesome day huh? I’m off to sleep. Ciao~

Qu3t10ns?

2009-06-11T21:55:00.001-07:00

Magic lost Game 4…. AWwWwWwW….

Ahh well, guess it can’t be helped.

Here’re some questions to blow your mind. Mind you. xD

Do dentists go to other dentists or do they just do it themselves? Apparently, they don’t do their own teeth. How to they drill a hole in their own teeth when they can’t even blardy see them??

When does it stop being partly cloudy and start being partly sunny? Interesting…I wouldn’t know. xD

Do they have the word "dictionary" in the dictionary? You wanna know? Look it up!

Is it legal to travel down a road in reverse, as long as your following the direction of the traffic? You wanna risk trying? be my guest.

If laughter is the best medicine, who's the idiot who said they 'died laughing'? Uhh, it ain’t me that’s for sure

If there's a speed of sound and a speed of light is there a speed of smell? Oh, there IS! Try counting the seconds of the smell of a fart reaching your nose as soon as you hear the sound…in a tight, compact, slow…elevator…o.O

Why does a round pizza come in a square box? Now, my friends, this is a REAL question. Hmmm…

Why do they call him Donkey Kong if he is not a donkey? His nose is too BIG for his face? o.O

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? There is?

If there's an exception to every rule, is there an exception to that rule? If there’s an exception to the rule: there’s an exception to every rule, that would effectively render the first rule useless and thus making no exceptions for any rule at all. Making no exceptions for any rule at all, because if there is, that would counteract the statement stating there’s an exception to that rule of there being an exception to every rule. HUH?!?!?!

Uhhh....=P

2009-06-09T04:42:00.000-07:00

I'm feelin' sexist... Owh, I'm so dead..xD

Waterf-f-f-falll!

2009-06-07T03:25:00.001-07:00

I’m a thousand miles away,

but tonight you look so pretty,

Yes, you do.

I know it’s true.

Guess what? Plain white T’s in my head! Whee! I don’t know why, but I think it’s the headphones clamped on my ears playing ‘Hey There Delilah’.

Delilah’s a pretty name…oohhh….

What the heck am I writing? Lol!

On the other hand, a waterfall once in a while can be quite refreshing! The water gushing down on your body, piling all that sediment and filth on you?

Yea. Quite refreshing.

Not to mention all those slippery rocks! *slips, falls, breaks nose*

But still, had a greeeeeeeeeaaaaaaat time there! Hmmm…I wonder why.

Nasi lemak with rendang chicken on a big sandy rock anyone? Or Malta cooled in stream of cool water?

Wow. Now to think of it, I could’ve sat there all day with my head plugged into my iPod. If only I had one. (Again, just a friendly reminder to everyone reading, my b’day’s on the 27th of October. I't’s never TOO LATE to start saving!) *ahem*

A pity though. All those tourists just HAD to come that day too. Blardy tourists…=.=

Ahh well, the hols weren’t such a waste after all! I haven’t started revising yet, mind you. But there’s a whole new week to do it! Why start now?!?!

I love procrastinating. Don’t you?

Me, personified.

2009-06-02T21:59:00.001-07:00

The hols just started and I’m bored…Whee… Phooey, where did the dreams of hanging out in malls and holidaying around? Bah!

Well, the Chapel ‘Retreat’ was AWESOME! One of the best camps I’ve been to my whole life….so far… Haha, pictures are in Facebook, if you wanna see, ADD ME!!

I guess, through this camp, God has personally touched and changed me. Touched me in the heart, made me think what’s important, made me appreciate the little things around me.

You only live once, make the best out of it. Tomorrow’s never certain, make the most out of today.

Have I done all I can today? Will I regret today if I am to die tomorrow? Have I really submitted myself to God and consider His plans above mine? Or were they just words out of my mouth?

Inferiority has always been a part of me. Changing my values and culture just to fit in. Guess I was always insecure. Never knew what should I do and not do to be myself. ‘Me’ always seemed smaller than the rest of the world.

A mask was always on my face, being myself never seemed the right thing to do. If you’re who you are, people will never like you.

God indeed has a plan for me, God will lead me to my calling. Yes, I am worthy, I really am. This ain’t some self-believing crap, but rather what God wants me to believe in.

Yet Lord, I am nothing without you,

Neither am I nothing before you.

Insomnia

2009-05-23T10:27:00.001-07:00

I just can’t sleeeeep! *Pfft*

Well, I can technically, sleep through anything, but this is different. Insomnia? I hope not.

One more week to GO!! Of objective papers and choosing-by-luck answers. Of pencils and A B C Ds.

Another unproductive day passed. Wheeee….I’m so gonna fail. But then again, it’s probably the pessimist in me.

This reminds me of so much. Ahh, wtheck!

If only the hands could move towards the Sun rise/set.

Oh, of romance dreams…

Of course, I miss basketball too…

I believe I can fly….NOT!

Ahh well, a man can dream can’t he?

Lord, heal my heart, alleviate the pain,

Lord heal my soul, for I fall short of Your name.

My silent cry

2009-05-13T08:02:00.001-07:00

I’ll give an honest reply,

For every thought.

A grateful soul,

For every kind act sought.

Neither blemish nor scar,

Can ever disfigure the heart.

I knew it would be hard;

Having faith in love and all its forms.

The veil’s lifted, the dream shattered.

Realism never had a place for love,

For none of it mattered.

A man robbed of his heart -

A bitter taste on his tongue,

Face taunt, eyes gaunt,

An air of despondency hangs around.

Lord, alleviate the pain,

Heal the hostile, nurse the acrimony

Lord, hear my prayer,

Hear my silent cry.

Another random post

2009-05-07T07:19:00.001-07:00

Lookee here! Physics book’s right beside me and instead I’m writing this.

My eyelids feel like lead. My head’s spinning. I need caffeine.

Bah! Blasted exams!

Nah, not another poem. No NO NO! I’ll lay off them for awhile.

Why do I feel like blogging today? Can’t remember.

Hmmm, to introspect? Narcissist.

Life? Boooring.

Questions and long answers? Can’t think of any now…HAHA!

Global warming? Nah, Al Gore did it.

Politics? I’m too young for ISA..=.=’’

I’m procrastinating. For the sake of mankind.

fweeee

2009-05-05T05:12:00.001-07:00

Har har! Procrastinating again. Really. This is so totally random. Let’s see…

10 things I’ve learnt this past few weeks:

1. Trigonometry’s hard, waaay friggin’ hard.

2. Too much sugary donuts can make you sick!

3. Who knew a room with 2 fans and 40 sweaty people could be so hot?

4. I draaaaaaaaaaaaaag my words when I speak. Reeeaaaally?

5. Caffeine cures migraines… Waddoyouthink?

6. I have no idea what to write here…=.=

7. Never knew you could cut yourself while shaving. ( Yes, I DO SHAVE!)

8. Tight shirts makes me look buff… I’m SERIOUS!

9. Okay, FINE! I tend to miss someone. When I’m not thinking of the coming exams…

10. CAN’T WAIT FOR THE HOLS!!!

Raaandom. There you go. A whole list of totally random things. Enjoy reading! I feel poetic, but there’s still Bio, Chem, Physics, Add Maths…..blah blah…

I miss Slumdog… *Jamal! Jamal!*

EXAMS!!

2009-05-02T00:26:00.001-07:00

Mid-term’s coming. Yeah, of dreaded blank stares at questions and feeling useless in front of some processed sheet of bleached wood. In any case, the exam papers. Har har.

In any case, I still have not made a move at doing those add maths questions. ARGH! Proving trig equations are proving themselves to be TOO blardy hard.

Trigonometry: someone who had too much time on his/her hands and decided to mess around with angles and triangles. Wtheck?!?!

Back to doing trig? Quantum physics never looked better.

Blow after blow the punches came,

The bleeding nose, the crooked jaw,

The split lip, the bruised eye.

But I know,

I'll have faith.

I'll persevere,

To give that finishing right hook.

Blardy maths

2009-04-26T04:42:00.001-07:00

Let’s face it. Add maths is seriously not my thing. I mean, I do not aspire to a mathematician or something like that but WHY, WHY do I still torture myself in front of numbers?

~~I AM NUMERICALLY CHALLENGED.~~

Or am I? Yea, I can understand them equations and stuff, it’s just that all these doesn’t interest me at all.

WHO needs add maths in real life anyway? Who cares about the x-axis or y-axis when you’re out there diagnosing some guy with cancer? Jeez…

Hang on, I guess it does serve some purpose, but I don’t see my future in numbers.

HECK!

I’m still stuck with it.

Update!

2009-04-22T08:17:00.001-07:00

Hey y’all! Yea, heard CBD was a blast..shame I wasn’t in it though. Ahh, well. Hmm, to Ern Khai and Addison: you guys rocked with Canon rock! Yea…hmm, life’s been good I guess. Never been this happy for quite awhile. You-know-why.

Hmm…still… What happened to the world? What happened to the faith and hope in Love. What made this world so bitter as it is now? When did thinking rationally and realistically was equated without Love? When did men started kicking Love out of their heart?

Bah… I’ll trouble you no more with long paragraphs. A poem? Well, tell me if you’re bored. Coz I’m full with them. HAHA!

I’ll dream for a sunnier day,

When the skies are all cloudy and gray.

I’ll dream for a unsung song,

When talking becomes quite too long.

I’ll dream for a sweeter wine,

When life’s all bitter as mine.

I’ll dream of a picturesque view,

Along with prayers on a pew.

**********************

Life’s not all a nest of feathers,

Nor is it a bed of thorns.

He gave us life, not lies.

Life to enjoy, not to waste.

He gave us love, not retribution.

Love to be shared, told, believed.

Love as what it is, Love as what it was.

Sure I might be naive, sure I might be dumb,

Placing Hope on such a fickle feeling.

Nay, my friend, halt Hate in its tracks.

I’ve tried to stop him and tried to Love.

I’ve not given up nor will I ever do.

Words may be easy, but choices are not.

I’ve made my choice, will you?

I’ll make rainbows in thunderstorms

2009-04-14T05:14:00.001-07:00

You know what? I’m really SICK of the rain! Twice this week. TWICE! I’ve arrived at somewhere WET. Dripping wet mind you.

I’ve got tons of add maths, maths, and english to do, and yet…I’m still writing here. Gosh, I’m such a time waster.

Thoughts of possibilities raided my mind.

Sacked and dumped every sane thought,

Leaving only the basic sensibilities.

It was like chasing a rainbow,

Not knowing the end,

In awe of the colorful strip of light,

Aware only of the goal ahead.

Oblivious to the world,

Making through the dense fog of fiction.

Trying to make sense out of confusion,

Trying to see peace in the midst of chaos.

You were there,

It seems, at the very end.

Every time I thought of giving up,

This seemingly endless chase.

That voice keeps me to my path.

Would you be there, in the end?

Would you keep the promise that was made?

Hoping in these questions.

Haha! Doesn’t make sense does it?

Be glad. For I spoke my mind.

To camwhore or not to camwhore? That is the question…

2009-04-10T17:20:00.001-07:00

Fellow readers and friends,

This is A VERY important announcement. I, Eric Cheng Li Yang, have begun to like, (get this) Camwhoring! *Gosh! Look the sky’s falling!* =.=’’

no! No! NO!

*bangs head on wall*

and you’ve begun to wonder why haven’t I posted any pics on my blog eh? That’s because I HAVE NO CAMERA!! GAH! And to use my 1.3 megapixel camera would be a disgrace to my face…haha!

Nah… I guess I’ll just stick with not liking camwhoring…LOL!

Yeah, friday was waaaay fun! Went for karaoke for the 1st time in my life. broke my voice box there! Haha! Never shouted so much in my life before.

Later on to CGC for a CF meeting. RAN from Pandan Jaya LRT station to the church. IN THE RAIN!!! *wet wet wet*

Hung out in Leisure Mall after that. It was fun, considering all the stupid things we did in the arcade…LOL!

You know what? I really need a camera.

Fear.

2009-04-02T03:27:00.001-07:00

What is fear? Some may say that fear is an emotional response to threats and danger; a basic survival mechanism occurring in response to a specific stimulus, such as pain, or the threat of pain.

But what if the both aren’t true? What if I fear something more than that? Alas, to say I do not fear death is a blatant lie. Fearing the unknown, the very idea of no longer existing surely brings some measure of trepidations, even to the bravest of men.

I beg to differ. I disagree with the fact that fear comes with the possibility of pain. I’m not saying I do not fear pain. No, I, for one, do not make pain my greatest fear. No, for I fear more than that.

We have surpassed our fore-fathers in technology and intelligence. For a gain, there must be a lost - that is the nature of this world. We have gained a wider understanding of ourselves and the Earth. We have gained the knowledge of surpassing others and being superior. But, what have we lost? Civility, kindness, love, friendship, or even the stretch of a kind helping hand, in this, we have begun to deteriorate.

I fear, not death, nor your daily household spiders. No, I fear a world full of hate, despair, chaos and hopelessness. I fear the gluttony in all its forms; I fear abhorrence and the venom that poisons our hearts.

I too fear for the unfulfilled possibilities that the world holds for us. God has placed us here for a reason, and to not find that particular reason before our demise holds more fear than the fear of death itself.

To have not lived life fully and completely; to have not touched people’s lives in one way or another; to have not shown complete and unrequited love for that someone. That is my fear too. For I believe that the need for being able to look back and say: “I’ve been there, done that. And I’ve never regretted one thing in my life” is great. We can never ignore death, nor can we think we’re immortal. For if death comes early and decides to take me with him, I want to be able to leave this Earth without qualms or whines.

The title above leaves so much more to elaborate. I fear a lot of things in this world, but the phobias of this world do not make up my greatest fear. I fear the possibilities, the potential evil that the world holds in its belly, awaiting the trumpet to wake it up; to conform to the world and its needs, to coincide with its requests and to deny the calling of the heart.

Haha~ kinda had this in my comp and thought I’d post it… Just for the sake of it. Lawl.

I’ll make a conclusion,

Bringing all efforts to fruition.

Making this love real.

For as long as you live,

Your presence will not go unnoticed.

I’ll see the world in your eyes,

The joy in your smile,

And know that you’re for me.

Damn… I need inspiration. Would you inspire me?

Morrie…

2009-03-31T06:48:00.001-07:00

Yea! Currently reading “Tuesdays with Morrie” by Mitch Albom. I know, some parts of it contradicts with the faith I’m in now, but the book’s real good. Yea….haha!

Imagine yourself, dying, in your last moments…. Remorse comes wave after wave. Mistakes flash past your life, regrets of not living life to the fullest while you can. Is that what we want? Lying on the deathbed, lamenting the past relationships you had. Trying to treasure every moment, leeching every bloody bit of happiness you can get from the visits from friends you’ve made throughout the years, wondering which one’s true and which one’s not.

Yea, and love. Love lost and love gained. That’s all you get when you’re coughing your time away eh? That’s probably all that matters when your life’s months away from ending.

Bah!

I’m in such a emo mood nowadays. If everyone were to think like that… This world would be such a mess. I mean, where would we get the capacity to live life to the fullest? Define a full life would you? No, you probably can’t.

P.S : To all the emo stereotyping people out there… Now, THIS is an emo post. And I won’t be posting like this for a long time. A man has his right to be all moody and angry right? Wtheck, I’m just not permanently emo…that’s all I can say.

I’d rather make my life in clouds,

Living my life on groundless sky.

Treasuring what rains and shines.

Making love the only song.

NOT EMO!!

2009-03-24T06:23:00.001-07:00

I am NOT emo. Period.

Since when does this blog became emo? Since when did you, in your mind stereotyped with all the others and called me emo? Is it because of the black layout? The thoughts that came in mind that I just so happened to write it down?

BAH! Note: this is a foul word. i’m just substituting it for the sake of a clean mouth.

Enough!

Please! I implore you! I am not EMO!

~~Okay, if that doesn’t work, let’s meet our new friends shall we? Here, meet Mr. and Mrs. Fists!! =.=’’~~

Nah. I’ll leave you to your opinion. This is who I am, and God knows you can’t change me. Period.

Woot! The basketball tournament’s coming up, and that’s probably the only thing I can look forward to this ~~week~~ month.

Haha, who knows? I’ll probably screw up and sit on the bench like the last time I did.

Jeez… Wtheck! I WILL not screw up:)

Poetry!!

I want to

Feel the world under my feet, the earth between my toes.

I want to

Love another with all my heart. With no regret nor scars.

I want to

Share the world, secrets and dreams on a platter.

I want to

Leave nature’s beauty untouched. Respect creation in its own rights.

I want to

Make failures the past. Make dreams the future.

I want to

Live life with dignity, reverence. Live life to its fullest.

Rants

2009-03-19T15:14:00.000-07:00

Owh, damn.. Yeap. Mmmhmm.

I'm so screwed.

Screwed with the fact that I'm a bloody screw.

Wtheck?! Ignore me please. Go on with life as I continue my ramblings and rants. Ahahaha.

Really disappointed with the chemistry of the basketball school team. No teamwork, no chemistry. I'm sick of it. Oh, did I mentioned about the lunch thing? Yea, it was a screwup too. Eventually, 2 became 3 then became 4. Haha, so, yea...and she didn't seemed to mind. Damn.

Disappointment will not let me down. As long as the Sun still rises, Hope will always be in my heart.

What?! Who am I kidding? Nay, when the future looks bleak, it is either bleak, or it's gonna get bleaker. Lawl, who am I kidding again?

Ahh well, guess I would've to make do with what I have and go on. I seriously need to be optimistic.

Peachy

2009-03-15T10:24:00.000-07:00

It's 1.30am

1.30 am in the morning.

I am still wide awake.

Trying. to. type.

Haha! Who would've thought that she'd go out with me for lunch? Gettin' all hyped up!

Lawl, but then again, the whole thing might not even work out...bah! I seriously need to think positively.

Okay, it's been awhile since I last posted a poem, no? Guess I'll do one now:)

The piano plays in my head,
As words walk in your stead.
Coffee could never provide such caffeine,
And I would never make such a scene.

Now I'd never know what made me do this,
Perhaps it's the wind, blowing in the mist.
Alas, how could one trust Cupid's arrow,
To point to whom he would wanna throw.

The target's you; make no mistake,
As it's you to the ball I would wanna take.
Dressed in a gown, hair in a frock.
All nice and clean and spick and spock.

Alas I'm but a peasant,
Riches I could not provide.
Maybe a pot of food, and a warm blanket,
Sugar in the pantry, mead in the tankard.

I wouldn't give a you a diamond ring,
Nor a pearl necklace to sling.
Ahh, but I would give my ballads and songs,
Singing it to you even if it sounds wrong.

I'd give you the first morning's dew,
I'd make you my first thought each day.
I'd stop time just to be with you,
I'd hug you while the world sways.

You wanted to dance, so here I am,
Your face's all smiles, your legs all shaky,
I hugged you to keep you warm and steady.
On the rooftop we'll spend our night,
Dancing to the moon's own lully.

HOLS!!

2009-03-14T18:42:00.000-07:00

*drum rolls* *trumpets blaring* *21-gun salute* *some idiot shouting: IT'S THE HOLS!!*

Wooooooooooooohoooooooooooooo!!!!

Yea, the exams are over! ALRIGHT! Plus, it's the HOLS! YEA! But, that just means we form 5-ers have >5(or smth around that number) exams left. Not to mention the big one...

SPM

*evil villain song in Transformers plays in the background*

Guess it's time to take out the signs: THE END IS NEAR!!

Wtheck, I'm not going to let some exaaaaam ruin my B-E-A-utiful hols...:)

Okay, watched Barry and Stuart the other night...THEY ROCK! Woohoo! The best comedy I have watched being done live. Hang on, it's the ONLY comedy I've seen live on stage...=.=

Something happened that day. Something big~~

A Caucasian said this to my friend ( a girl mind you~) : You inspire me to write a song. Can I have your phone number?

GOSH!! I mean, how many times in your life would you get picked up by a Caucasian girl? A pretty one I heard too...

Ahh, guess what my friend did? (I'm not mentioning any names...o.O)

He DID NOT give her the number...

His excuse?: The teacher was calling him

What would I say?: *speechless* *then continues telling WHAT a good chance he missed*

I mean, HOW many times in your ENTIRE life, would you hear a girl telling you that you inspire her to write a song? Okay, maybe it's just another pick-up line, but Wtheck!

Haha, anyway, I'll probably have another piece of chocolate. Just to make me feel warm inside...=.= pathetic. I need a life. Seriously.

Juliet save me

They're trying to tell me how to feel

2009-03-10T07:56:00.000-07:00

Okaaaay, tell me WHY am I BLOGGING again?

It's the triple doomsday people...
Add Mathsssszzzz,
Mooooraaalll,
and Biooooooooooooooo...

Har har, death awaits.

Teddies don't hug you back,
But sometimes,

They're all you've got.

Rants and a Prayer

2009-03-08T06:21:00.000-07:00

Bah! No! Not another poem. Grr, I'll lay off them for awhile. Maybe just after this week, ya, just maybe, if I can hold that poet in me that long.

Annnnyyyywaayyyyy, SPM's COMING!! WOOHOO!! *not!*

You know what? I'm kinda sick of education. The way the whole system works, the way we slave our way through exams and homework, the way the teachers criticize and disapprove of EVERY little mistake you make, the way the world of future education seems to judge you on that piece of paper you attained as your 'results'.

Ya, sure education's for the greater good, for the progress of the human race... But, what if it means, increasing the capacity for progress, and decreasing the capacity for love.

No, not only loving your male/female counterpart. But the world.

What the world lack is love, not money.

The economic recession? That's the world complicating itself with currency. Wasn't everyone equal? *sigh*

Anyway, what will education prepare us for? Will the 'education' we have now prepare us for the world that awaits us?

Besides the knowledge of Y=mX+C, of endoplasmic reticulums, of lightwaves and their properties, of alkanes and alkenes, will it really prepare us for the world out there?

Of betrayal, of distrust, of hurt, of pain, of pressure, of commitment, of disloyalty, of disappointments, of discouragement, of pride, of hunger, of tears, of blood, of so many more.

Perhaps I have been too naive. Perhaps I hoped for too much. Perhaps the world isn't that cut out for more.

Perhaps it's because I care. Perhaps I feel responsible for something the world doesn't want me to be. Perhaps it's because I believe in love.

And you know what? I ain't perfect. I'll fall, I'll disbelieve, I'll reject, I'll stop and just scream my lungs out, I'll be selfish, I'll be a jerk.

But I'll pray to God I'll never stop believing.

No longer will I deny my faith and beliefs. From now on, this blog will be the canvas of my soul and the thoughts and dreams, the colours.

Lord, with all my heart, I pray for the world to stop hating. I pray for the world, Lord, and may Love fill the hearts of man. Ambitious I may be, but insincere I am not. Lord, hear my prayer, hear the cry of my soul. Lord, Oh Wonderful Saviour, help me as I go through this life of mine, to love, Lord, to love.

Lastly, Lord, hear the longing of my being, hear the drums of my heart, as I search for her, whoever she may be. Lord, may she be found as you have planned, and Lord, if failures and disappointments should come my way, brace me, strenghten me, as I look for the One. Lord, grant me patience, strength, hope and capacity for this love you have planned for me, for the place in my heart for awaits.

In Jesus' most precious name I pray,

Amen.

Words of A Love-Addict

2009-03-04T04:53:00.000-08:00

You know I'm probably posting this 'coz tomorrow's the English paper...so, yeah....HAHA! I'm not discriminating the subject or anything, but there's really no point studying it. Hmm, maybe I am...=.='' Okayy, back to Earth...feeling emoooo, but then again, that's probably my default mood in this blog eh? Time for ANOTHER poem dont'cha think? I know how much you guys love 'em, so I'll keep posting...HAHA!

Love was winning the race,
In the hearts of men.

The Sun was the Warmth on your skin,
The Moon inspired songs that men sing.
The Wind, bending the grass in its rhythm,
And the Stars danced in their dark sanctuary.

When did Love falter,
As Greed overtook her?
As avarice and sin flourished,
As hopes and dreams stopped forming.

When did Love stopped to catch her breath,
As Hate made his way past her?
Making way for wars and crime,
Revenge and vengeance as well.

When did Love tripped and fell,
As Pride caught up?
Of discrimination and bragging rights,
Of superiority and injustice.

When was Love taken out of the race,
As you stopped believing?
The world started changing,
Disfiguring, misshapen.

As the world forgot how to Love,
And how to Live.
Bonded by the 'future'
Forgetting everyday isn't fixed.

Forgetting God has a plan,
As you went on with Life.
Ignoring all the cries of Love,
As you stepped over her.

And continued with the race you're in,
"No", you thought, as her cries become more and more distant.
"Not for the expense of Victory."
You thought, expelling all sympathy from mind.

Killing your own conscience,
Thinking you'd turn back after the race.
Winning the race, all thought of her gone.
Celebrating as you got drunk.

Clearing you mind, you finally realized
There was someone you missed along the race.
You looked back, feeling that emptiness inside.
Running back, trying to figure out,

Was she that important?
Was she the missing piece?
Was she significant in my life?
Was she part of my future?

Fearing the worst,
Dreading her disappearance,
But as you near the spot you left her,
All trepidations came true.

As it hit you,
No man is an island,
Love could never wait,
And that you were a solitary figure.

Alas, these are the words
Of a man, A love-addict.
Of a man who left everything behind,
For the goal in front.

Love was never defined,
Love was never a hormone,
Love was never restricted,
Nor was Love ever dead.

Remember these are the words
Of a love-addict.

25 random stuff about mwah! (part 2)

2009-02-27T07:07:00.000-08:00

Okay, back to more embarrassments:

17. I visit the toilet frequently.
18. My hands get cold easily
19. I'm 75 kg....FAT FAT!!!
20. I can do the finger-roll, YAY! (btw, it's a basketball move...haha, just so you know)
21. I'm sarcastic...(no seriously, I am)
22. For some reason, there's a monkey plushie in front of me =.=
23. I LOOOVE this number!!
24. Punch me and you'll get hurt...haha! (Ironman!)
25. I love poems...haha! (I'm NOT GAY!!)

Haha, continuation guys! Enjoy!

Ciao~

25 random stuff about mwah!

2009-02-26T02:32:00.000-08:00

25 random stuff about mwah!

Saw this on facebook and decided to do it myself! Here, on my blog! Ya, why not on facebook you ask? I'll tell you why - NOBODY TAGGED ME! There, I said it...*pants!* Okaaaay...anyway, back to the topic...HERE GOES! *inhales deeply*

1. I think my butt's too big
2. I have a split personality, i think...(that would be cool don'tcha think?)
3. I like romance, yeah...(i ain't gay)
4. My pain tolerance is quite high...(serious, i can stand a lot of physical pain...Wolverine anyone?)
5. I'm still a virgin(obviously)
6. I think my eyes are too small (Bae Yoon Jong!!!)
7. The first room I go to after I reach home is the toilet.
8. I still sleep with my brothers. ( NO PRIVACY!!! ARGGHH!!)
9. My bros call me by name (NO RESPECT!!! ARGGH!!!)
10. I got my first handphone last year...( 16 yrs old, my first W550i)
11. I'm still using my first phone.
12. I hafta study but instead I'm doing this.
13. I AM NOT EMO!!!!
14. I peed in my pants in standard 1 ( Ahh, primary school...of embarassments and wet undies)
15. My full name's Eric Cheng Li Yang...yeah, call me Eric will ya?

I'll continue the rest tomorrow...

p.s. 16. I tend to procastinate...

Shoes

2009-02-20T06:23:00.000-08:00

That autistic boy,
Stuttering, trying to say
"Let's be friends!"
Would you be in his shoes?

That pregnant, single mother,
Working her way through the crowd,
Wishing she had change for the payphone.
Would you be in her shoes?

That loner in the canteen,
Looking down as he sips his drink.
Thinking: "Would anyone think of me?"
Would you be in his shoes?

That fat girl,
Trying out diet pills and checking the scales,
Wishing to be accepted the way she is.
Would you be in her shoes?

That cancer patient,
Lying on her bed,
Wishing that she'd knew how beautiful Rome is.
Would you be in her shoes?

That dying soldier,
Fought for a war not yet won,
Wishing that the bullet missed him.
Would you be in his shoes?

That angry kid,
Desperate and forlorn,
Wishing for a love that never came.
Would you be in his shoes?

That broken-hearted girl,
Had everything cheated out of her,
Wishing her heart stayed with her.
Would you be in her shoes?

That aging grandfather,
Who gave everything to a son who never came back,
Wishing someday he'll realize his love for him.
Would you be in his shoes?

That blind girl in the alley,
Victim of a disease she never wanted,
Wishing she knew how colorful the world is.
Would you be in her shoes?

The man who died on the cross,
Who gave his life, his blood, his soul, his love
To an undeserving world.
Would you be in his shoes?

'Amor'

2009-02-18T03:39:00.000-08:00

The early Sun broke the dawn,
As the moon and stars faded.
You know I still think of you...

Alas, words are not made for love,
To tell you how much this old heart of mine,
Yearns for your presence, your eyes, your smile
You know I still think of you...

You're like the summer breeze,
In the middle of a snowstorm
You make me smile,
When I'm not.
You know I still think of you...

When the tears were falling down too hard,
You came and wiped them away.
When I slipped and fell down,
Along the race we're in,
You came and picked me up.

You have your flaws,
You have your weaknesses.
Man may point them out,
I will look past them.

You taught me how to love,
And I'll learn how to share it.
You taught me how to hope,
And I'll learn how to dream.

The dawn breaks over the horizon,
As light caressed the land,
And the Sun's rays brought warmth.
You know I'll still think of you.

As the Sun grows hotter every moment,
The shade you always seem to provide,
Seems farther away than usual.
You know I'll still think of you.

When twilight's all but a memory,
a mere dream, a mere picture,
You know I'll still think of you...

Hey y'all! Yea, I'm still in the valentine mood...o.O... Umm, wrote this poem for my future girlfriend...HAHA! No laa, just felt romantic and mushy enough for this. Plus, I get another reason to update my blog! How COOL is that? Ciao~

Writer's block...>.<

2009-02-13T06:39:00.000-08:00

Let's see... Valentine's day's coming up. You know what? If you mind, I'm being real frank here. When I see couples out there, cuddling up to each other, giving each other roses, exchanging kisses - I can't help but feel a tad bit lonely.

Well, I'll stop moping in self-pity and get on with life eh? Hmm, what should I write? Apparently, I have the writer's block. Don't ask me for another poem, I won't do it... :P

Fine, I'll just blab on how busy my life has been. Hmm, where should I start? School? Sports? Home?

You know what? I think I'll stop here...LOL!

Pride

2009-02-05T06:58:00.000-08:00

Humility. Pride. Contradictions. I believe progress is based on pride, on our ego as men. Yes, and among men, comparison and conflicts ensues. We are a 'kiasu' species. We are not made to lose, we were made to win.

Alas, but are we really winning? Why is there that will, that NEED to win? You don't get the point? Ahhh, perhaps an elaboration is in order? Pride always comes before a fall. Sounds familiar? I know, it's cliche, but it's a fact.

God made men with talents, skills and ambition. Some men may have talents more profound than others. Some may have skills which puts a crowd in awe. Some men may have talents to win. This is simple enough. We praise the strong and shun the weak. It's a FACT that everyone has to live with. You lose you buy the booze. Everyone wants to win.

Now, a win is part of the package. A package we call progress. Training and practicing for the win is just the process of trying to win. However, winning is the result we want to see; to witness with our very own eyes that we have indeed PROGRESSED.

Food for thought: WHAT IF WE LOSE? Hmm, what indeed. Would all that hard work exerted behind the PROCESS go unnoticed? Under appreciated?

Back to the subject. Hubris. Pride. Winning certainly induces praise. The victor gets gold, eh? Now, here comes the Pride. I do not complicate self-confidence and pride. Self-confidence is merely the confidence to be able to perform a task well. Pride is the confidence to be able to perform a task better than others. With that elucidation at hand, one can clearly see how winning is related to pride.

The vicious cycle of winning. That's what I call it. You win, you get proud that you're able to come home the victor, you win again, and it goes on. Is that what we want?

Perhaps I should clarify. In the face of hubris, ethics and decorum obscured by the veil of success. We start to believe in the way of how things are. We start to believe in inequality, disparity among men. We start to think that we're better than others. Bragging, trash-talking, disregard for other human life, it goes on...

Made to win we were. But made to win forever we're not. We're all human. Remember that the person next to you isn't any different from yourself. Eventually the 'loser' who you thought was will overtake you in your own pace.

Now I'm not saying we're not supposed to win. Progress, advance in your own pace, and if you 'win' in the process, be reminded of the fact that there're always people better than you.

A tiring end of this tiring post. Ah well, the bed awaits! Nitey-night!

Blah blah blah

2009-02-01T23:13:00.000-08:00

HEY Y'ALL!!! I guess a "Happy CNY!!" are in order... Yay, and it's almost over. Well, it isn't but school's reopening and it might as well be over... Wtheck, you catch my drift?

Hmm, well, if you guys think this is going to be another post of how AWESOME CNY was, you're gonna be dissapointed. Why? Coz, the Man said so...MWAHAHA!

I feel poetic again, HAHA! Should I post another poem? OR another controversial essay? LOL>.

Wtheck! Ok, ok, another poem it is...HERE it is: *TADA*

guess u're in for a surprise,
a shock, a mind-blowing revelation

i am not who u think i am
nor
i am who u think i'm not

i'm using small fonts,
not because my SHIFT key's spoilt;

i'm writing crap, mostly crap,
but i don't like writing crap

am i going in circles? no.
i'm going around in squares

fine. time to get serious,
or not...

u may change how u look at me,
u may skip this post,

u may not even bother to look
u may think i'm immature, or
just mature enough?

u know i'll keep blogging,
even when there's no one visiting.

even when the world turns black,
or just this room.

i'll be still here, typing away,
posting, creating.

may the creativity you know,
knows no bounds.

the world may belittle it,
society may spit on it,

elephants trample on it,
dogs pee on it.

give up-you must not.
like yoda-i must talk

finished-the poem is
for now...

Poetry..=)

2009-01-25T14:23:00.000-08:00

Alas, all but the Sun changes.
X may be a constant in maths,
but is there a solution to life?

Nay, change we are, and change we must.
Decisions shape the world,
Mistakes haunt the people.

Dust turns to dust.
We'll all die eventually.
Why can't we all smile?

Don't you wish that shooting stars
Will land right in your backyard?
Or you'd rather them stay in the sky,
Granting wishes galore.

Love is when arthritis,
Doesn't stop you from massaging your wife's feet.
Love is what makes you smile,
After you've been shouted at all day.

I'll write more but I won't
Alas, words are so limiting.
I wish you'd be in my head.
Savoring the dreams I have for you...

Live your life. You've earned it.

2009-01-03T00:13:00.000-08:00

Yay! School reopens in a few days and I still haven't gotten used to waking up at 5 in the morning. Jeez, what happened to teenage rights? Don't WE HAVE THE RIGHT TO SLEEP?!?! Or is 'sleep' not part of our 'education'? This is totally a violation of human rights but depriving US of sleep! Why can't they have school somewhere near 9 am or something? Wtheck...

I believe in the system. I believe in the rules. Where would we be without them? Yet, I too, believe there should be an output to all those pent-up emotions. I believe there should be a part of everyone's lives of rule-breaking and having fun. There should be a wild side in everyone's life. Nay, I did not go 'wild'. No, I did not had 'fun', I did not succuumbed to the beast within.

Is this what we want? This is my life, and it's dictated and ruled by the system. Desires and emotions. Hormones and the very nature of our being. Overruled by the 'the future', casted away with a sweep of the parents' hand.

You might say, I'm being rebellious. I'm going through with a rebellious stage. BULLSHIT!

I've seen people going through with life with their monotonous routine. Sticking close to the very rules their whole life. I've seen people working their asses off, and seen them DIE, working their asses off. Do you think I want that?

Ruled by greed, dictated by gluttony. Money and power. Aren't we all working towards that? When are you going to live your life? When? 50 years old?! When everything's crumbling and you can't even look 5 inches in front of you?! Youth is your most precious commodity.

Carpe diem. Live your life, you've earned it.

'You're alive. Do something. The directive in life, the moral imperative was so uncomplicated. It could be expressed in single words, not complete sentences. It sounded like this: Look. Listen. Choose. Act.'
Barbara Hall, A Summons to New Orleans, 2000

A prayer

2008-12-26T08:41:00.000-08:00

God, I've been lost. I am lost. I was lost. Lost to the tedium of this world. Lost to the temporal desires which my heart longs for. Lost in the search for love in this world. Lost in the disappointment when none came. Lost myself, wading in self-pity.

For ages... I 'd never really believed of such love you had for me. I'd never really believe there was such a thing.

Love?
I've been taught to expect expectant love. People don't care about you...they want you to care about them.

I've been told to expect the worst of people. I've been told to see the dark side of people. I've been told not to trust.

I've been taught to see people from this perverse point-of-view. And, I'm sick of it. I want to believe there's good. I want to believe there's justice. I want to believe in there's kindness...yes, even hope...

That's all. Thank you, Lord. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

My list this year!

2008-12-24T08:19:00.000-08:00

It's THE YULETIDE SEASON!!

Here's my Christmas list this year:
!. SNOW!!!
@. (Okaaay, this may sound corny) True LOOOVE
#. Getting drunk minus the hangovers!!
$. Playing pro basketball...in the NBA, mind you (this is just a wish list...so, WTHECK!)
%. Being a famous person for a day.
^. Getting good grades on my SPM
&. Getting into Harvard.
*. Kissing a girl...HAHAHAHAH~~
(. Money, MONEY!!!
). A nice villa by a BEAUTIFUL lakeside...AHHHH~

Now, this is my list...WHAT'S YOURS?

τυχαία

2008-12-22T16:13:00.000-08:00

Hi! I haven't posted for quite a while now...HAHA! *blows dust off blog*

OH! Cheers! Christmas is around the corner... :)

Will you be getting presents? Wish there would be mistletoe...xD

What am I rambling about? Nothing... This is a random post, just to keep my blog updated...*EH HEH HEH*

Oh ya! Teenstreet camp was SUUUPER fun!! Never had fun like that in ages...

Jeez, I sound like an old man. Gotta go out more often, eh?

Romance!!

2008-12-07T16:25:00.001-08:00

"I find peace when I'm confused.

I find hope when I'm let down.

Not in me, me.

It's in you, you"

I'm so HOOKED on romance movies!! Damn, ignore the previous line. Pretend you didn't see it, pretend it doesn't exist. Ahhh, wtheck...

Wheee,
posters..

There! Cold, hard evidence... I watched both of these shows, and...get this...I STILL WANT MORE!! Okaaaay, I sound homo....

"I might kiss you."

"I might be bad at it."

"That's not possible."

Ahhh, romance on the silver screen. Even though you know it's fake, it still gives you that "warm, fuzzy feeling" inside, eh?

I am a boy, a male, with a testerone-fuelled mind and body. I like to play rough, and I like a good heart-touching, tear-inducing movie. I like to act tough, and I like romance movies. HAHA, I broke all the sterotyped-thinking out there thinking we boys don't like to be sensitive. Nay, I embrace my sensitivity with hubris and gladness.

Hey, don't go thinking I'm a homo just yet. I ain't gay, and I'm DEFINITELY not bisexual. I'm a straight guy with a straight mind. I have no INTEREST at all in guys and I'm definitely turned on by females.

Guess I just have this unexplainable liking for romance movies, huh?

"There's an evolutionary imperative why we give a crap about our family and friends. And there's an evolutionary imperative why we don't give a crap about anybody else. If we loved all people indiscriminately, we couldn't function.": David Foster, House M.D., TB or Not TB, 2005

Tagged again...

2008-12-02T06:26:00.000-08:00

Today I promise I will finish this tag even if it kills me....

*inhales deeply* HERE GOES!:

1. The last person to tag you is?
Mr. Tan Tee Ken (Eggy) *sticks tongue out*

2. Your relationship with him/her?
A simple friend...don't get any bright ideas

3. Your 5 impressions towards him/her?
Hmm, retarded? LOL, no la...
Male
Friend
Punctual
Rich..o.O
Handsome...*pfft*, as if

4. The most memorable thing that he/she has ever done for you?
Borrowing me Eclipse! Thanks to him I can finish the bothersome Twilight series

5. The most memorable words that he/she has say to you?
Uhhhh.... "Huh?"

6. If he/she becomes your lover, you will...
String myself up on the ceiling over a large vat of boiling sewage and laugh as I drown myself in it.

7. If he/she becomes your enemy, you will...
Torture, Torture, Torture!!

8. If he/she becomes your lover, he/she has to improve on...
Being female and attractive...

9. If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason is...
I am the Jedi, he is the Sith? LOL

10. The most desirable things to do for him/her is...
Kick him REAL hard in you-know-where...

11. Overall impression towards him/her is...
OK la...Good guy to have as a friend

12. How do you think the people around you will feel about you?
How should I know? I think this question would be better directed to the PEOPLE around ME...not me.

13. The character of you for yourself is?
An average-looking guy, with average accomplishments and an average life.

14. On contrary, the character you hate of yourself is?
Hating myself?

15. The most ideal person you want to be is?
Me? A guy with accomplishments begin with, a guy with a handsome face, high IQ, a body with a six-pack abs, and with $$ so much I can't finish spending it. Dream on, boy...

16. For the person who cares and likes you, say something about them.
I like you too! LOL, ain't it obvious?

17. Bra or panties?
No the HECK way! Puhleeeaze....Tee Ken, why do you even THINK of tagging me?

18. Chocolate or ice-cream?
Both...if I can't have both, I'll still have both...so THERE! xD

19. 10 people to tag.
Kar Wee
Ern Khai
Anson Lim
Esther
Tze Jiet
Steven Boo
Kai Chi
Vin Tsen
Jun Bin
AND... YOU!!

20. Who is number 2 having a relationship with?
Ahem...ask him yourself!

21. Is 3 a male or a female?
I would hazard a guess at female? LOL....male la...

22. If number 7 and 10 got together, would that be a good thing?
You should know...lol

23. How about 5 and 8?
Ugghhh, shorties and GAY...not a good combination...(LOL, it's just a joke, don't kill me please!)

24.What is number 1 studying about?
Uhhh, the usual SPM subjects? This is soooo lame

25. When was the last time you had a chat with them?
Haaa...occasionally

26. Is number 4 single?
Err, don't know?

27. Say something about number 2.
ERNIE!!

28. What do you think about number 3 and 6 being together?
Weird? Weird beyond words...OH, and GAY

29. Describe number 9.
A typical PORK COOKIE! LOL

30. What will you do if number 6 and 7 fights?
6 would squash 7 FLAT!

Phew....I'm DONE!! *applause*

Random, bothersome thoughts

2008-11-30T04:15:00.000-08:00

Men, discontented, dissatisfied. Such interesting creatures, aren't they? All of them can see the light at the end of the tunnel, yet, still, they toil away and work their asses off to reach the light, when knowing full well in their hearts they will never accomplish the impossibility in front of them. What's this light I'm talking about? Perfection. Perfection in the sense that there is no flaw, no miscalculations, no mistakes, down to the very last particle of every being. The Illusion of Perfection. IN no matter what we do, make, invent, accomplish, there is always the capacity to improve, to imply corrections, to broaden the limits of the so-called void we call "Perfection". Even so, how would we ever know that we have reached "Perfection"? Is there some kind of barrier to the things we could improve? NO. There is always the capacity to improve, and yes, to screw UP.

And, in order to reach "Perfection", we compare, we put ourselves in contrast with each other. IN order to reach "Perfection", we put up with our pathetic attempts of 'ranking'. We rank each other according to wealth, good looks, athletic abilities, vocal talents, heck even gastronomical capacity.

Perhaps, a wake-up call is in order? What if you reached "Perfection"? What if you're already "Perfect"? I, for one, know that I will not be contented with riches of the world, nor power.

Damn...what the heck am I talking about? I may not have lived for long, but I know that with money, comes power; with power, comes whatever I want. Who am I kidding? I want all those, AND more. I want MORE than that.

Wishes and Miracles

2008-11-17T02:53:00.001-08:00

Just came from camp... I guess pictures are due, BUT, blame me for not having my camera!! Damn, guess you'll have to wait while I get them from my friend.

Blessings and wishes you asked from God. Are they real? Will they ever be fulfilled? Will God even bother to grant these petty wishes? Have you ever put 'em in doubt and say to yourself it will NEVER happen?

Well, let me tell an account of what happened yesterday, shall I?

Walking home is such a BORE. You get all sweaty and stinky by the time you reach home. Faced with such an unpleasant task, being all testy and sarcastic, I kinda asked: "God, gimme a ride home." That being said, I already lost all hope of it ever happening as I started the 10 arduous, hot, boring walk home.

Now, this happened the way home. By the time I was halfway through the entire journey, a motorcycle stopped by the roadside ( THIS really happened!) . A motorcycle with an old lady on it, smiling as she patted the seat behind her, asking me to get on. I was stunned, speechless for a moment as I ponder what exactly happened.

The wish that I sarcastically asked God to grant actually came true. This old lady actually saw me walking home and offered me a ride home.

Now, God works his magic in strange ways. This old lady who offered me the seat wanted to ask for directions. Naturally, being awkward in this particular situation, I declined the kind offer and gave her directions to her destination.

This happened for REAL. Perhaps it was a coincidence, perhaps it was a time where both in need cross paths. Or perhaps it was God's hand guiding both to meet and help each other.

Relief and happiness began flowing throughout my entire being. Relief, because I finally know and experienced that someone up there - GOD is watching over me. Happiness, because I know I will never, EVER be alone.

A twinge of guilt as I remembered how I asked for that wish. God, if you're listening, I wish with all my heart to forgive me, help me indeed, to be ME. Help me not to compare, help me not to expect more from ME. Help me to at least pride myself in the things I do.

Lord, I know my life isn't all about studying and results. I know my life is more than just about school, I know that my life is more than just this. I want to be useful, I want to belong, I want to Succeed, yet not lose my identity. I want to Achieve, yet not lose my honor and pride. I want to Believe, yet not lose my beliefs to lies and deception.

I, Pray and Ask all these in Jesus' most precious name. Amen.

Long gone are the days..

2008-11-12T04:21:00.000-08:00

Long gone are the days,
Where men could laugh under the stars,
without worries to be led astray

Long gone are the days,
Where "Money isn't everything"
and the word "Stranger" is unheard of.

Long gone are the days,
Expressions on faces are what they are,
and Smiles are not Lies, but Joy.

Long gone are the days,
Talents are not wasted,
Dreams are not shattered.

Long gone are the days,
Days filled with love,
instead of the unwavering Obligation.

Long gone are the days,
Bonds are made and forged,
Bonds of everlasting friendships

Instead we wade through deceit.
Instead we struggle through lies and deception.

We are men. We are a race.
Is Civilization the only key,
to our very survival?

Do we stake,
Dreams, hopes and faiths,
On the Dollar we loved so much?

Do we abhor,
Being true to our emotions and conscience,
And being who we're meant to be?

Do we long to,
Belong and be accepted,
And hope we're not as lonely before?

Do we try to,
Overlook harsh realities,
And give priorities to our own needs?

Why do we strive for Lies?
Do we Live for Fake realities?
Insanity. Justify.

Doubts of...

2008-11-10T05:42:00.000-08:00

I can't describe how down I am today. I lost. In terms of finding peace with myself, in terms of athletics, in terms of generosity, and in terms of what you may call being a Christian. I lost.

Yet, sadness hasn't found me yet. Eventually it will, like bloodthirsty hounds on the scent of a fox, it will come. I am down, but I'm not sad. I lost myself in this world. I lost myself in the race in riches. I lost myself in the tedium of conformity. I lost myself to society. In order to fit in, in order to become part of something, in order BELONG, I lost myself.

I lost myself in socially, physically and most of all mentally. I embraced the eventuality of defeat before the match is set and played out. I doubted myself, and most of all, I doubted the Almighty. Yes. I doubted the plan he has in plan for me. I doubted what life has in store for me. I doubted hope and dreams. I doubted love and everlasting happiness. I doubted friends and family members. I doubted trust and myself. I doubted society and all its' fake smiles and compliments.

I am tired. I am tired of doubting. I want to trust and love unconditionally. I want to hope and not be disappointed. I want to believe. I want to believe in myself.

I am weary of being wary. I am lethargic, fatigued. I have not loved for so long. For SO long, I have not trusted. For so long, I have put my hope and faith in cyberspace. I limited my social abilities to ones I couldn't see. Thus, proves the faith of not seeing eh?

Haha, introspecting again, eh? I wonder why? You know, it's a really good day when someone sincerely utters a word of compliment encouragement to you.

It really IS. I can't see why people don't do it often. Compliment someone. Encourage someone. But do it sincerely - you never know; you just might made someone's day.

Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry. - Mark Twain

Random

2008-11-09T05:15:00.000-08:00

Met a stray today ( LOL, it rhymes!). Not a guy, a dog. I met a stray dog today. Period. Now, what happened next? Assumptions anyone?

Guilt-stricken, conscience-defying, I, Cheng Li Yang, left the dog alone. It was a lovely cocker spaniel with a pretty red collar around its neck. Contrasting issue? It's so thin that the ribs are actually visible. Sticking out like a a set of RIBS. Like any set of ribs should be. Damn, I'm so repititive.

Now, the dog followed me all the way until the street where my home lies. Tail-wagging, tongue-shaking, it followed me. I'm sure this dog has nothing to eat in DAYS. And I'm sure it would be wary of people - us, humans by now.

The question is, why did it followed me? Me? Of all people, ME? I'm a guy almost six foot tall, slightly on the plump side and I'm sure I'm not handsome. Oh, wait. It's a dog, not a girl.

Still, the dog should run from the sight of any human. Did you know, that if you bend down as if to pick a stone up, any stray dog would run away? That, is the cold, hard fact why any stray dogs would be wary and cautious of US.

So, what happened? Why did it followed me? I'm sure anyone wouldn't be bothered to think why, but thinking's such a refined thing. A pleasure and mind-occupying hobby.

A hypothesis, perhaps? For all I know, terriers and spaniels aren't trusting dogs. They simply don't trust easily. Therefore, I could only come to the assumption that this dog, driven by hunger, weary of distrust, decides to trust the person who DOESN'T flinch from its' presence or throw stones at it.

This is sooo random. Guess some thoughts are just not worth mentioning.

Of Judging

2008-11-07T06:56:00.000-08:00

Judgment. Judge and be judged. That's how the world works.

You look good, you're good. You look bad, you're bad. It's as simple as that.

We, as humans, are vain enough to judge. We, as humans, are vain enough to tell the other they look bad, they look ugly. Aren't we all made in God's image? Then, who are we to question the very creation of God's hands? Who are we to question the power of the Almighty by doubting one's beauty?

With judging comes discouragement, with judging comes encouragement as well. Nothing pleases us more than a sincere comment, a sincere word of encouragement. It certainly made my day.

How about a disparaging comment, an utterly rude remark? What would you feel? Would you doubt yourself? Would you question your very being? Would you question yourself? Would you succumb to peer pressure?

"You're fat!" "You're ugly!" "You're too lousy to play with us! Go away! We don't need you!" Sounds familiar? I've been through it all and I'm still alive.

We judge before we know, we want to be judged and know as well. Fashion, hairstyles, accessories, all are cold, hard evidence that we INDEED do care how people judge us. We care even about the judgment of the people we don't even care about.

Now, what about the so-called handsome people, the popular ones? The so-called 'lucky' ones with good looks and all. Money, decent house, decent family, good looks...the usual...

They seem to be so confident and pride themselves in anything they do. On what platform of pride do they stand on? What is their source of self-confidence? Where do they get all their self-esteem from? What makes them stand so confidently in front of the camera?

The encouragements? The comments on their good looks?

Amazing how the human ego works. Give it a reason to believe that it's good, and they'll inflate like a balloon in a party. Fast and BIG.

The more things a man is ashamed of, the more respectable he is. - George Bernard Shaw

Emotions run wild...

2008-11-06T03:28:00.000-08:00

Ahh, yes...if i were to write all day, I would write nothing. If I were to write something, I wouldn't be writing all day.

LOL, doesn't make sense does it? I'm going in roundabouts....

Well, let's get to the point shall we? Now, I had a really rough day. Got fired from the IT brigade, a walk-over on a basketball game, a lousy hair-cut worth 5 bucks which wasn't worth it at all, and I still have NO privacy in this house.

How much have you been discouraged in life? How long has life let you down again and again? Now, events occurring everyday invade our otherwise serene thoughts and stir up the endless well of emotions within.

We try to be be calm, we try not to let our emotions take over. We try to be creatures of logic and sense. But, at the end of the day, we still have to answer to our conscience, our feelings. To express oneself is how one conducts oneself in life. Stress is merely the strain of our abilities to remain calm. The ability to withhold one's emotions within themselves without bursting out.

Why do we try to do so? Why to we at least pretend to do so? Courtesy? Morality? No. Because we pursue perfection. We pursue the goal to rid the world of emotions. We pursue the goal to decrease our so-called 'mistakes' when we release our pent-up emotions. In short, we pursue the goal to become 'machines'

So, are our emotions a liability? Or our emotions an advantage? A way to deal with occurrences in life? That is the question.

'Cherish your own emotions and never undervalue them.'- Robert Henri

'The advantage of the emotions is that they lead us astray, and the advantage of science is that it is not emotional.'- Oscar Wilde

Inperfection and Introspective-ness

2008-11-05T02:15:00.000-08:00

I've always grappled with the truth that I'm not perfect, grappled with the truth that I'm got more than I deserve, I am not the perfect man I would like to be.

A desire to be perfect. A desire to be the best man. A desire to be the pinnacle of the social tree. To leave others in my wake as I surpass them. To even believe that I would even get close to achieving my desires, that would be pure insanity.

Do I deserve all this? Do I deserve what I have in life? Am I such a decent guy that God decides to impose such luck on me? What happened to the rest of the world? I'm sure, someone, maybe in Africa, slaving away at their jobs, starving to keep the last morsel for their family, forsaking their dreams in favor of survival, sacrificing all their potential, their talents, JUST to keep their family going on in life. Now, self-sacrificing is one of the noblest thing to do, the hardest things to do. Yet, these people have toiled on and on, self-sacrificing, self-forsaking, for the sake for their families ALL the time.

Here I sit, in the comfort of air-conditioning and the computer in front of me...typing away, while someone, a few hundred miles away, works hard in the hot Sun, never stopping, never complaining.

I complain that I'm bored; others WORK for entertainment. I complain I'm lonely; others Survive on loneliness. I complain my back aches, my head hurts; others get HURT for survival. Again, what do we really deserve? What do we give in return for the World we live in? What do we really care about? What is the deciding factor?

I need the motivation to shrug off laziness, I need leisure to invoke initiatives. However, I want to alleviate this pang of guilt, this desire to be better. BUT, I want to enjoy life. I want to enjoy what I have. What I have and what I do not deserve.

Now, I'm sure you're bored of my tireless rant of this VERY introspective post. I wish to bore you no more. Thus ends the post of boredom, of endless random-ness.

"Self-conceit may lead to self-destruction" "The smaller the mind the greater the conceit" - Aesop

The Sun chased the Moon

2008-11-03T02:10:00.000-08:00

The wild flowers bloom, the first snow melts,
The rain stops, the rainbow fades.
While the Sun chased the Moon...

The first fish swam, the first bird flew,
The first mammal ran, the first Man stand.
While the Sun chased the Moon...

Buildings scraped the sky, wheels rule the streets,
Man became oblivious to everything except what they need.
Still the Sun chased the Moon...

The Earth chokes, the Air appalls,
The Water tainted, the Sky weeps.
Still the Sun chased the Moon...

Love found, love lost,
In a vicious cycle of tears and joy.
Still the Sun chased the Moon...

Hopes and dreams piled up high,
With one kick all comes tumbling-by.
Still the Sun chased the Moon...

Civilizations fall, Men slaughtered,
Wars rage on as if they'd never stop
Still the Sun chased the Moon...

A millenia the chase lasted,
Another millenia it'll go on.

Darkness falls, the Moon comes out
Rest assured the Sun is not far behind.

The Day may seem at its worst,
The Night may seem it could never get better.

Fear not, weep not.
As long as the Sun chases the Moon, there is hope.

A Hope for a new Day,
Hope for a new beginning.

The winds of loneliness howls in your chest
The turbulence of the storm rages on...

Alas, this is how we're meant to be,
The pain will never quite go away.

There will always be Hope,
Just beyond the hills, just beyond the valleys,
As long as...
The Sun chases the Moon.

Yay! Another poem entirely by me. I know I suck at poem writing but WTHECK!?
This is MY blog and I don't need you to tell me how to write it, So THERE!
I know it's corny, but I'm kinda proud of it.

Tagged.

2008-11-02T06:49:00.000-08:00

Today, I shall attempt to answer a tag... Hope I don't screw up...LOL

Those who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any questions that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.# Tag 8 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by. Continue this game by sending it to other people.

1. Name the persons you tagged.
Everyone on my link list..XD

2. Describe yourself in one word.
MALE

3. Who would you pick, someone who really loves you, or the one you love?
Lemme see...it's kinda both ways ain't it? I think it would be someone I really love

4. Have you ever loved someone before but never had the courage to tell him/her?
Yea, I guess... too shy la...xD

5. How if people reject your confession face to face? CRY?
I'm A BOY! There's no way I'll CRY! Sad, yes, BUT no crying!

6. God is giving u just 5 more minutes before going back to heaven, IF you love someone special, what will you say to that person?
Jeez, this post's getting a bit too mushy, but WTHECK! Hmm, how about, "I love you, and even if I die, I hope you'll find happiness and love as well." Ewww, mushy stuff!

7. What will you say to a person who doesn't want to believe you?
This is the truth. Deal with it.

8. Was ever a time that you tried to learn to love someone?
All the time, dude. All the time...

9. Do you have something special with you all the time?
Err, ya...my body?!?!

10. Long distance love?
Hmmm...YUP. Intergalactic love!! MAN, I LOVE ALIENS!!

11. Best place to cry?
I don't cry...

12. Who do you love the most?
God, Jesus, and my family...kinda obvious ain't it?

13. Tell us of your dream last night.
You expect me to remember?! Damn, I can't recall la...

14. Ever hated someone so bad?
Hmm, as in a obsessive-revenge kinda way? No. Hate-so-much-I-could-just-punch-him/her? Yea.

15. The biggest & most hurtful lie you heard?
I'm a girl.

16. The last person you had a beer with?
Do I LOOK that I DRINK beer? Btw, I drink WINE....xD

17. The last person you went to the movies with?
Me. And my shadow...LOL

18. The last person you talked on the cell phone with?
My dad.

19. The last person you hugged?
My non-existent imaginary friend.

20. The last person you yelled at?
My bros. TRY having them in your house!

21. In the last week have you kissed someone?
My non-existent imaginary girlfriend.

22. Think of the last time you were angry, why were you angry?
Oh. The BUGGER FFK-ed ME!

23. If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be?
I wish I had more wishes...xDD

24. If you could have an all expense paid trip, where will you go?
Italy. Definitely Italy. Wanna try out my new hand sign...hehe

25. What you hate the most?
Cruelty, stubbornness, ignorance and shitty service!!

26. What would be the hardest thing for you to give up on?
Cocaine. HAHA, no. Fiction, yep, reading fiction.

27. Five facts About Me:
My
Name
Is
Cheng Li Yang, Eric
:)

28. Five things that scare me:
I shall not answer this. SO THERE!

29. Two Songs Playing in My Head Lately:
Nickelback - Gotta Be Somebody
Jonas Brothers - Love Bug

30. Five Things I Treasure in my life:
My Comp
My Basketball
Myself..=.=
My Storybooks
My Beliefs

THERE! I'm done. Shan't rant further more. I'm off to Bleach-watching. Tata~ciao

The Capacity to think

2008-10-29T08:03:00.000-07:00

Now, with the Twilight saga gone and done with, the search begins for another good book.. Hmmm, if anything crops up be sure to leave me a note 'kay?

Thoughts and beliefs. Ideas and propositions. Dreams and hopes. What do they all have in common? A keyword perhaps? Human. Only we as humans have the capacity, the ability to fill our minds with such stuff. We ponder, we think, we frustrate.

Can we be trusted to think? Can we be trusted to think for ourselves? Can we be trusted to think for what's best for us? No. The answer is NO. If we were to think, as an individual, the BEST for ourselves, we would be better off by now. Instead, what have we done in the last century alone? Pollution levels has never been higher, global warming, wildlife becoming extinct. AND that was the general mistake of MEN on the development of the planet we call Earth. What about crime rates? Terrorism? Political unrest? Oh, and what about you? What about the mistakes you made?

I think I just proved that we, as humans, have the capacity to think; as well as making mistakes. We ARE not to be trusted with our brains. We ARE not to be trusted with the capacity to think. For with thinking comes choices, comes the potential of making mistakes.

But, wait. Hold on a sec. What about God's plan? Do I mean that God's plan has a flaw? Did God made a mistake when He gave us brains? NO. We are made to think for one reason. We are made to think for something. We are made to THINK for GREATNESS.

Sure, the choices we make sometimes SUCK, the choices we made gets us down. Choices leads to mistakes. AND mistakes LEADS to greatness. For when we make mistakes, we have a better concept on how to choose, on how to live. This is what you call experience, wisdom.

Well, thy shalt bore thou no more. Thus ends the post.

Live life to the max. You've earned it.

I'm 16 years old!!

2008-10-27T10:17:00.000-07:00

I'm finally 16!! YAY!! First, a BIG thanks to ALL who wished me a happy birthday! My appreciation knows no limits. I would really like to list them down, but, I'm laaaazy...lol. Haha..just joking... I would really want to thank my parents and my two little, bratty brothers. Thanks for making me feel special, even if I don't deserve it. Next, my friends: Peter, the guy who sat next to me for 2 years now, Kim, my big 'sis' whom shares the same birthday with me, Jun Bin, the St. John, K.E. , Computer Club President (ahem), Caleb, the 2nd guy to wished me a happy birthday, Tien Hoe, the 1st guy to wish me a happy birthday, Daniel Tong, CF President and good friend of mine, Joseph Leong, badminton PRO *ahem*, Jeffrey Lee, friend of mine, Adeline Moo, also a good friend of mine (yes, MOO, that's her surname, hehe...), Aan Lee, big guy with a big mouth (joking..lol) and that's all I think. If I left you, whoever you are, out on this list, please feel free to chop my head off and spagetthi-ball my body.

As for how did I celebrate my birthday? Do you really wanna know? Fine.

It all began when light broke free from the shadows, and the Sun rose majestically from the East. It was dawn as the hills were illuminated and life in the Earth rises to perform its task - living. Yes. A new day. Not just anyday. It's my birthday.

LMAO! Dramatic start ain't it? Haha, just trying my hand at openings.

It all started when the day began like any other day. I slept in late. Woke up. Ate, drank and went back to bed (what can I say? I'm a lazy boy). Woke up again. Ate lunch. Without fail, I moved towards the computer and checked everything from Friendster to Facebook. Played Counter-Strike awhile before going back to bed.

Now this is where the day gets interesting. I woke up. My dad, started all hyped up about my birthday and took the whole family to some steakhouse in Ampang, which was pretty far considering we live in Cheras. And, get this, WE ATE STEAK!! FOR DINNER!! Which was pretty out-of-the-ordinary for a typical Chinese family like mine. The bill was a bit pricey but my parents were willing to pay for it. Then, on to Jusco to kill time and indigestion. Mom, Dad and littlest bro went to the supermarket while Me and my 2nd bro went shoe-hunting (No, not high-heels; basketball shoes, sheesh). Came back without buying anything, and went on to our car.

As we were loading the groceries into the sorry excuse for a car boot - on the bottom of the trolley - a red cake box!! WOW!! A cake for ME! I never expected them to buy me a cake after that pricey dinner, BUT they DID it!

An unexpected dinner, with an unexpected cake. Why? Today is MY birthday isn't it? For the past few years, I never really celebrated my birthday, nor did my family. All we did last time was to eat my mom's cooking at home, so this was really unexpected.

Has this always been like that? No. Before this, when I was still a tiny little thing; KFC, Pizza Hut, McDonalds'- you-name-it, you got it. Then all of a sudden, things change, and we sorta stopped celebrating it.

As an ungrateful little brat I was, resentment, jealousy, dissapointment, welled up and starts choking me like a thorny vine around a tree. And, to tell you the truth, hopes were low on celebrating my birthday today. In fact, I was more expectant of more disappointment rather than celebration.

Me? I don't deserve all this. I don't deserve all the celebration, all the grandeur. Or do I? I mean, do I deserve to be special, to feel special on my birthday? All those wishes, greetings from friends and family, now don't get me wrong, makes me feel sick to the core. Makes me feel sick with guilt and regrets.

I have not been a good child. I have not been a good friend. I have not been a good person. So, why do I have the honour of being celebrated as a special person today? Maybe it's just me thinking too much, or it may not be.

Honestly, sometimes we take something we do not deserve for granted and we exploit it, we take advantage of it for our selfish purposes and gain. As much as I wish I were a better person then, THAT would not happen. THAT would NEVER happen.

I guess we have to look forward, towards the bright future that is tomorrow. For what tomorrow bring we will never know. But what I know, is that, I WILL BE A BETTER PERSON. Not to ease the wracking guilt inside of me, but for the people around me, the people who cared for me. Dammit, I'm getting corny, but, hey, I'm 16 now. Kids around my age last time had families of their own.

A new dawn, a new era, a new ME. That is what I INTEND to become. A selfless, more caring person than I ever was. To not only be academically, intellectually, and physically better, stronger; but also ETHICALLY, MORALLY better. Hey, you may laugh, but think about it. Ponder, contemplate, reflect on what I've just said.

Everyone's getting lonelier by the minute. The world has become so economically-dependant that we left out the things we really care about, the people in our lives, the need for a companion, the need for love. Everyone needs someone to think they're special, they're meant to be, meant to be on this world of ours, meant to exist. Everyone needs encouragement once in a while and someone to care for them. Someone to walk alongside them and say "Hey, I'm here for you."

I WANT to be that person. I'm SICK of wanting, demanding and taking. I want to GIVE what I have, what I don't deserve . I may be selfish at times, whoever you are reading this, but, forgive me. God, forgive me, forgive me for being the selfish person that I was.

I do not expect forgiveness, but I do not expect dissapointment either. This is my promise to you and me.

You must give some time to your fellow men. Even if it's a little thing, do something for others - something for which you get no pay but the privilege of doing it. - Albert Schweitzer

My life unfurled on its edges...

2008-10-25T05:34:00.000-07:00

I love basketball. I love the thrill of the game, the quickness, the dexterity of hands dribbling a ball, the competitiveness, the rush of adrenaline when you take the ball to the basket. The bumps and and the 'machoness'. The injuries, the bruises and wounds. The taste of victory, and, yes, the taste of defeat.

Well, I guess I owe everyone a post about myself. Me? Hmmm, how do I start? Let's start with my life shall we? I am a Malaysian, trapped in a typical family, a typical house, with the not-so-typical population of dogs in the house. I study in Methodist Boys' School, yes, an ALL-BOYS school. Woohoo, that leaves just so much to be desired.

My life in school? I'm an air scout, a member of the Christian Fellowship in school and part of the basketball school team (I trained my ASS off for a place in the team...so, I'm kinda proud of it..xD). NO posts for me...guess I'm just not leader material...Lol. I'm Form 4 now, and 16 in a few days' time...Yay!

How do I look like? A typical Chinese boy of almost-16 years of age, and definitely not model-material. I...am not FAT, merely big-sized. A guy nobody would notice.

My life revolves around studies, basketball and God. I'm not boring but I'm not exciting either. I'm kinda of a in-between guy. I'm not that good, I'm not that bad either.

I guess that kinda sums up my life as me. Now, again the question arises: If I were you, would you be me?

Of Pride and Uncertainties...

2008-10-23T01:37:00.000-07:00

Have you ever put yourself in doubt? Have you ever made a point, only to contradict it in the next minute? It's kinda ironic, ain't it? Self-doubt and contradiction. It's like opening a can of sardines and welding it back together again. It may not be the best way to prove a point, but as far as fairness and equalities are concerned, it may the RIGHT thing to do.

Do we really know what's best for us? Do we really know what's right for us? There's really a thin line between the lush pastures of confidence and the sardonic, self-fulfilling pride we have in us. Again, how can one be sure of the many contradictory views present around us, yet, BE sure about what we believe in?

The insecurity of making the wrong choices, the wrong commitment, the wrong roads in life, really gets one down doesn't it? As life goes on, regrets, guilt, compunctions, all make us turn and look back, and get us thinking, "Why did I make this choice? Why did I do this?"

To see a thing from different point of views, to make sure everything is checked out beforehand to prevent any possible regrets and guilt. That, my friend, is what we cannot do. That is an impossibility. Sure, once in a while the need to know the future, the unknown proves too difficult to resist. But, that isn't an excuse to not make decisions, to make choices. Living in uncertainties, in the black abyss of the unknown - may be what we fear the most. The uncertainty of life, the uncertainty of success, the uncertainty of the outcomes of the choices we make.

We certainly live in uncertainties. Sometimes,we are so surrounded by it we take it for granted. Or, sometimes we fear it, we turn to oracles, fortune-tellers to decipher the great mystery that is the future.

The only thing that makes life possible is permanent, intolerable uncertainty; not knowing what comes next. - Ursula K. LeGuin

We may think what we know, BUT, we do not know everything about what we think. TO cover up that particular imperfection, that particular flaw, we have created the little white lie - pride. In truth, we are all equal under God's hammer of judgment, regardless of what race, age, social and economy status, or even who we are associated with. Yet, we, as mere beings on this planet, create what we call power, judgment, when in actual fact, we are as same as anyone on this planet.

Talents and the gift of money made us put one another under our noses. To belittle a fellow human is the worst thing anyone can do. However, when someone criticizes or disparages you, the need to improve increases. But, our very nature dislikes to be proved wrong, to be looked down at.

Still, an inflated ego hinders progress, halts improvement, and brings to a standstill what we are made for - advancement.

To know a man, observe how he wins his object, rather than how he loses it; for when we fail our pride supports us; when we succeed, it betrays us. - Charles Caleb Colton

The question is still there: Are you proud? Am I proud? Yes. Period. We are all proud creatures, vain of our looks and capabilities. The need to be proud is still there, we only need to start tearing it down....

2008-10-20T02:40:00.000-07:00

Peeing...

Have you guys ever heard of muscle memory? You know....as a result of practical use and repetition, your muscles sort of memorized the movement? Well, I went to a course - a public speaking course, mind you, and he mentioned the topic. So, this guy was like saying even the LIVER has muscle memory! I was thinking...Okaaay....heck, the liver's not even a muscle! He went on to say how a guy, whom, previously didn't like chicken, starts to like KFC overnight just because he received a liver from a donor, who previously liked chicken?! Wtheck?!

What a better way to spoil the tense atmosphere than a lame joke; my split personality appeared and asked this VERY VERY lame, but funny, question ( Hey! Everyone laughed! ) - If a male donor donates a kidney to a female, would the particular female, pee while standing up instead of squatting down? *thunderous laughter ensues* *applause*

Okaaayy...I'm lame, I know I am...

Hey! Who do you think I am? A blogger with so much in his head that he could just write a post out of the blue without much thought? No. I'm a serious blogger with serious thoughts. HAHA!! Who am I kidding?!

I need fun too. In fact, I crave for the happy endorphins that makes me smile, laugh. I may blog about serious topics, but deep down, the rebellious, humourous, undeveloped side of me may come out - only under extreme boredom or stress, Dr. Jekyll come out.

I'm bored, I AM boring, I COMPLETE the term 'boring'. Once in a while, you've got to put your hair down and enjoy life. Not striving for more, but be content with what you have. Be yourself, be what you normally wouldn't dream of being, knowing deep down inside you know you want to be.

Be the split personality. I've suppressed that so long that I forgot what is it like to be me. I am fun-loving guy, in fact, too fun-loving. I wouldn't know how to control myself if my split personality came out. I've taken a more serious outlook in life. No, LIFE has made me take the more serious outlook on life, succumb to the VERY conformity I've sworn to keep away from.

At first, I planned to write on something about my life. I did that - and look...I've written long enough to bore you to death. Ah, well...I know! I'll put my first title for this blog! Yay! I seriously gotta learn to joke...

2008-10-18T06:44:00.000-07:00

Are we meant to be solitary creatures? If we were to be stranded on a mountain where no one lives, or a deserted island where no one sails to...would we survive? Let's say that on that mountain, island you have everything one needs to continue living - food, water, shelter...not too less, not too much. Still, without anyone around, nobody, no one but yourself and other certain wildlife, but no humans, will you CONTINUE to live?

Or are we supposed to be in herds? Walking around in one's constant companion. Friendships, partners, couples, groups, gangs. These have shown us that, us, as humans, do live in others' company.

The question is: Why? I mean, why can't we be solitary creatures? Why can't we live in a world of our own and still be happy? Why must we constantly seek out one another? Why can't depend on ourselves and be done with it? Why must we connect, socialize ourselves with others? Why? WHY?

Others seek companions, I seek loneliness. I don't know why, but I feel utmost comfort when I'm alone. Why? At least I won't have to pretend, at least I won't have to act, at least I won't have to be someone else. I can just be myself. I can sing praises to myself all day and no one would criticize me, belittle me.

But then, is that the best way to live? If one were to be living alone all the time, would he or she, then realize, what are their unsatisfactory behaviour and weak points? If he or she were to live alone, would he or she, improve? Hermits may be wise guys, but there's one thing they suck at - socializing.

Have you ever thought of this? - If Adam and Eve never fell in love with each other, we wouldn't be here now. If they were to hate each other, we wouldn't be here now. Well? If you and someone of your opposite sex, would you two ever fall in love with each other?

You see now? You see the irony of love now? Yes, you two would love each other. Both of you will have nobody to depend on, except one another. There wouldn't be choice - there's only one guy or girl to choose. So, love? - I think not.

2008-10-11T05:47:00.000-07:00

I've made my choice. Trust and love are SOOOO overrated.

Can you trust anyone? Can you bloody trust anyone in this corrupted, vile world of ours anymore?

We've learnt to expect rebuke and criticism from everyone. You can't trust yourself to be yourself when you're around people. If I had the choice, I would rather live among dogs. We, humans are NOTHING compared to dogs. Intellectually, linguistically, technically, we are the superior beings. But, BUT, what is that compared to the sincerity, trustable, unfailing love dogs have for us? A cliche perhaps? To refresh your memories? " A dog is a man's best friend" , which is entirely true.

Yes, a dog is smelly, messy, and may take a bite out of you if you come too near. But, give it time, love and sincerity - it'll repay your love 10 times in comparison.

We are alone, absolutely alone on this chance planet: and, amid all the forms of life that surround us, not one, excepting the dog, has made an alliance with us.- Maurice Maeterlinck

We have surrounded ourselves with this shroud of lies and deceit, blocking the rays of truth and justice. Stacking bricks by bricks all around us like an igloo. Insulating us from the blizzard of lies; somehow, protecting us from the potential hurt and pain when someone turns that trust into a backstabbing dagger, twisting it as the plunges the blade into your unsuspecting back mercilessly.

True, a few worthy of our trust have been able to unbrick the Great Wall of China around us. But, is that enough for us to trust mankind? Oh, HOW I wish the Day comes when I can trust everyone! What a wish!

Next - love. It isn't what it is on the silver screen. Love is such a big word ain't it? To commit oneself to someone. To Love one forever. To Love a person, a human being.

What is love? The question that baffled genuises and fools alike. According to our 'marvelous' education system here in Malaysia: "Kasih Sayang, iaitu, kepekaan dan perasaan cinta yang mendalam serta berkekalan yang lahir daripada hati yang ikhlas. " Or as Wikitionary puts it, "An intense feeling of affection and care towards another person"

Can love be defined by words and actions alone? What in the world is love? Is it just affection and care? Or is it hormones synthesized by our human body, making us attached to the opposite sex? Is it part of nature? Questions about love can go on until kingdom come but still it won't end. How can one commit ourselves to love? Love is just so, so, SO, overrated; the word love, overused.

So, should we love? Should we trust? Or, can we? Is it possible? We cheat, lie, bluff, fake our sorry asses around life - towards what? What are we doing this for? Social acceptance? Economic position? Or just for the heck of it?

Ok, confession time....Recently, its exam week for my school, and, yes, I've cheated. Now, looking back, what purpose does it serve? Why have I committed a sin, a SIN, for? Why have I chose condemnation for? Again, yes, to get better results, to get the approval, the acknowledgment of fellow classmates and teachers. But, ultimately, it's for a parents' nod of approval, a word of praise. Mom, Dad, if you're reading this, it's for you. I've chosen this path of lies and deceit for you guys. For you guys to be Proud of me. For me to be proud of myself. For that fulfillment of egoism embedded deep inside my head. For Pride.

Is that it? Look at me? I can't trust me, how can I trust someone else? But, .....

A man who doesn't trust himself can never truly trust anyone else. - Cardinal de Retz

From a different point of view, I am not so different from others either. I, too, crave for trust and love. First, I must learn how to. Just give me time. I need time...

2008-10-07T02:41:00.000-07:00

Yes, exams, time to be judged again...Yay, I'm peeing with excitement

Sarcasm, the source of all humour. Still, there's a really thin line between sarcasm and hypocrisy. Vague, faded, you can hardly see it at all.

Surely, everyone's a hypocrite. 'Don't judge a book by its cover'...we've been saying that for years on end now. But, can anyone resist a really good piece of art on the cover of your book? If that were the case, why are there even book covers in the first place?

I'm not particularly imaginative nor talkative today, so I'll spare you the boredom of a long post today...lol...not that you would bother anyway, but for those who would, thanks. I really appreciate it.

2008-10-03T09:39:00.000-07:00

Okaay, enough of my thoughts....sick of hearing it? I don't know? Do you? I know I am. Coz' you know, being me and all, my thoughts are all I think of, then....OK. Stop.
Watched it a few hours ago. Thumbs-up. Really would appeal to the excessive foul-mouthed and alcoholic drinker. This movie is basically about bad cops, booze, sex, parties, girls, drugs, guns...you name it....catch my drift? I know, I know. You're thinking right now- another stupid movie...probably full of bad stuff and no storyline, crap, crap, crap....
Yes, the story line's simple and all, but, it really gives everyone, an insight to how a 'loser' feels like in school. By 'loser' I mean the social outcast, the socially-challenged...get it? The not-so-good looking types, the nerdy types, the fat types, the buckteeth types, JUST basically the types who looks as if they need a plastic surgery.
You don't get it? Look at the poster. Girls, girls, would you ever fall for a guy like that? Or would you prefer these? :

Drooling? I know I am. DAAAAAMN, look at those abs, I'm not gay but I still like them...LMAO!!
Gosh, this is sooo gay. Sigh, what can I do? A man can be jealous can he?

Anyway, the story's about a social outcast getting the girl of his dreams.Watch it! And have a few laughs along the way. Heartwarming ain't it? But that's just Hollywood. Wonder how reality would fare if Hollywood were real...

P.S. F-word used excessively. I mean EXCESSIVELY

2008-10-02T06:45:00.000-07:00

Animals are such agreeable friends - they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms.- George Eliot...

I'm not going to post long today...just think about the above...

2008-09-28T09:11:00.000-07:00

It's been quite awhile since I last published a post...thought I'd post one now...

Wish I am using a typewriter now....they sound so 'typish'. I know this sounds random, but I couldn't think of any better sentence to start with. Ahhh, yes, that was a wish right there. But with every wish comes consequences, pros, and yes, cons.

If that particular wish were to come true, yes, I would be enjoying my time typing away, making as many 'typish' sounds along the way. BUT, I wouldn't have the liberty of backspacing and making typos as much as I want to. To make one would be like breaking down the pile of cards you've been stacking up for a long time and starting all over again. Plus, you'll be wasting paper, and at the same time, depriving this world of much-needed trees, which would naturally decrease the carbon dioxide intake.....blah, blah, blah...I could and would go on if I'd wanted. Not that I don't want to, but that's not the topic for this post, not today, not now...

Ever had wishes? Ever had dreams? Ever had expectations? Ever had hopes? Ever had fantasies?

I'm not being a questioning the obvious or anything, but this is what I'm going to talk about today.

Maybe it's the Cat inside of me that made me think, made me hope and made me dream. Surely, all men dream of fulfiling their deepest desires. But, what if they fail to fulfill what they set out to do? Or, what to they do if they had by chance, fulfilled it? Have you ever had that feeling before? To be so curious, so thoughtful, to dream of something, so much to the point of obssesion, then, right before your very eyes, FULFILL that fantasy, that obssesion.

What are you going to do now? Go on with life? Go on with your normality? Go on with the flow?

THE question is HOW? Many of us had been dreaming without fulfilling. Like, eating without swallowing before taking another bite, putting the cart before the horse, creating without destroying....you catch my drift?

HOW? We've been let down, disappointed, crushed, when we experience failure, so much, SO MUCH, that we've learned to ignore that WE, as humans, HAVE the capacity to succeed, to win for ONCE in life. Yes, it's a proven fact that we dismiss most of our dreams as potential failure before even trying. I'm not saying there are no exceptions, they are, it's just that they're rare.

So, again, HOW? WHAT are you going to do when these dreams of yours, let's say, by chance, unexpectedly SUCCEED?

Naturally, we aim for more, we target for more, yes, we dream for more. It's like the comparison just now... we ate, we swallowed, BUT we don't give ample time for digestion. We start going around looking for more better, richer foods, without giving a second thought to the possible indigestion you're going to have later.

We humans are a greedy race. Not that I'm making a tactless contradiction, but it's proven, again and again by history and examples. NO one excluded, YES even me. I am a greedy guy, but I'm not proud of it. Some even wear their greediness on their chest, flashing it proudly to the onlooking bystander like showing off a new, shiny badge.

"Man is an animal which, alone among the animals, refuses to be satisfied by the fulfilment of animal desires."- Alexander Graham Bell

We are never, NEVER, content with what we have. With what blessings we have, I know that because I'm not. We all have a grotesque, hidden, monstrous animal within all of us. All solitary attempts to tame it will prove futile. I'm not being preachy, but, yes, I admit, we need God's strength as well as all of our own, to control that beast within.

However, these are not to be limited to only one point of view. Where would be now if there were no desires? NO dreams? NO hopes? Yes, we would be content, happy, with big smiles on our faces. But, with one less smile, the world progresses. With one less contented guy, the possibility of having a potential great leader increases. With less contentment comes more improvement

Sometimes sacrifices are just needed.

2008-09-20T23:47:00.000-07:00

Life goes on,

memories don't

Always the stubborn one, they'll stay

Good or Bad, they're equal in sight

As times passes,

we grow old,

But history has never seen,

Love, for the sake of love,

sold

You may make promises,

But be sure to keep them,

Life's but a Challenge,

An Adventure, A Process:

Waiting for the Spartan to Pry:

Into its depths to look...

Beyond human measure,

the fool can dream

But it takes wisdom

perseverance and caution

To put the dream into action.

Baloo once said:

"Look for bare necessities"

Never give in to Greed,

Nor Pride, Nor Hate,

Either of these would and could

be your failure and downfall

To expect - yes you can do so,

however expect too with caution,

Remember the phrase:

The higher you go,

The harder you'll fall

In the end, Life Ends

To live any day is God's decision

To Face Death takes Courage too,

Peter Pan once said too:

"To die

would be an AWEfully big adventure"

So keep your hopes up,

chins up chest out

And be glad this life hasn't end

For Tomorrow's an adventure waiting to happen.

P.S - The poem's entirely original...lol...just came to me after a nap,

Well, the Disney quotes aren't but, WTHECK!

Comment please in the CBox..THX!

2008-09-13T09:48:00.000-07:00

Let's have a recap on what's going to happen and what's happened...

Well, there's the exams on the dreaded day of 22nd of September, which kinda really sucks when its only 1 week away...damn...

Also, there's the big day...yay...what am I talking about? Yes. You guess...

If a man will begin with certainties, he shall end in doubts; but if he will be content to begin with doubts he shall end in certainties. - Sir Francis Bacon

2008-09-08T00:13:00.000-07:00

Don't you JUST hate perfectionists? Of course, there's nothing wrong with perfection, but the problem's with the one who percieves it. The perspective of perfection has its fair share of forms and views. However, still, I would like to add just 1 more...

Well, let's start off with a cliche, a prelude to today's post - Everyone's a critic, which is entirely true. And, yes, me included...

First of all, perfection doesn't exist. Period. There's no such thing as perfectionism. Perfection is merely the idea of progression until the state of impossibility of further progression. Or, in other words, God. Are you God? No. And you can never be.

Nothing in this world is perfect. Yes. Not even Mathematics. You might argue that the equation 1+1=2 is perfect...Well, let me tell you this...2 is the ONLY answer for the equation. NOT the PERFECT one.

Again, define the term 'perfect'. Can you? Can you name even one thing in this world that's perfect? Heck, the term 'perfect' itself is a joke...

Are you sick of perfection? Sorry, let me rephrase that... Are you sick of the expectations of perfectionism? Are you sick of someone critisizing you for your best effort? Of course, critisism is essential for progress, improvement, success, you name it....

Ah, but another question arises... another cliche.... too much of a good thing will eventually be a bad thing.... Ahh, see? Have you ever wondered how much you would hurt a person's feelings when you critisize them?

"Never criticize a man until you've walked a mile in his moccasins."- Native American Proverb

Are you willing to forgo mannerism and chivalry in the favour of the pursuit of perfection? Forgo the VERY values of humanities itself? Remember this, you can NEVER reach perfection, only merely reach towards it, yet, no matter HOW much you've accomplished, you're still nowhere close to perfection.

Accept who you are. Perfection's a figment of imagination; unreachable, untouchable.

"Have no fear of perfection - you'll never reach it."- Salvador Dali

"I don't confuse greatness with perfection. To be great anyhow is…the higher achievement."- Lois McMaster Bujold

P.S. - I'll be ending most of my posts nowadays with quotes...Nothing much, just to inform you guys.

2008-09-06T15:35:00.001-07:00

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 200 7 when...

1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

2008-09-03T07:25:00.000-07:00

I know this is on the same day, but just thought I would put the story on hold....

I wanted to talk about....BRISINGR!!! YES! YES! (just in case you guys don't know...it's the third book in the inheritance cycle....*deh deh...the eragon book arr....*) forgive my inappropriate language...

I'm soooooo excited...yes...I know...I'm pratically idiotic here...woohoo...crapping excrement lalala...

Nothing beats a good book where you can read for hours without interruption...and this is it! Or at least I hope it'll be...

Expectations are high....but, really, even if this doesn't work out...still.... hats off to Paolini! Not everyone can write a 500+ page book by the age of fifteen...and HAVE YOU SEEN HIS VOCAB?! Gosh, I really need to spruce up my English...

Of course, I still can't see the point of fiction. Aren't stories created for the very purpose of escaping reality? To immerse oneself in the fantasy world depicted by the words of the author, to be whoever you want to be, and yes, TO be the HERO. Surely, nobody can deny that, right? Who doesn't wants to be the hero? THE hero?

A man can dream, can he?

"If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them."- Henry David Thoreau

P.S- Kar Wee...sry man, had to make an intro for this book, can't do it any other way...lol...hope you don't mind...(look closely...the layout is somewhat...similar)